.Swallow Hill-Dwarskloof and Holly Lodge

SA closed- back at just after 2

2010-01-03T21:07:00.001+02:00

first posted Friday, January 25, 2008

TWIR's reference to 'struggling for some days with the eccentric opening hours of South Africa's public services' may puzzle some. I'm of the firm belief that we could have won the Anglo Boer and Anglo Zulu Wars sooner (if, in deed we did win - discuss?) if we had have attacked at lunchtime.
The local post office in Greyton shares premises currently with the Municipality administration. There appears to be only one member of staff - a bored Afrikaans lady. Her hours of work are 'wait for it': 12 noon to 3 p.m. with an hour for lunch. Although I have never seen her eat her lunch, nor have anywhere to go, other than sit at the other chair; give up hope of collecting the registered letter or buying stamps. Oh! and take along some ID. I didn't. And put in 3 trips and 30 or 40 carbon miles collecting my repaired spectacles. Stress?
The Office of Home Affairs is, how can I put this without hopefully being deported, a bureaucratic nightmare. The red tape and idiotic forms I can sort of live with, and the blu-tacked posters of Mbeki and pals and handwritten 'Our President' labels BUT. Last week we attempted (again) to extend our visitors permit. 50 minutes into the interview, the bureaucrat, unannounced, stood up and strode off to the 'rest area' carrying some of Dion's excellent fish and chips in a Styrofoam box and balancing a tinnie of coke atop, whilst gripping a copy of the SA equivalent of Hello magazine under her chin. It was lunch time. We have not been back. Our permit expired yesterday but I note that the form says that we can stay as long as we have applied to stay, 30 days before expiry... which we did. The form is silent on the need to have the application granted. Looks like we won't be deported afterall. The question is do we go back to the OHA?
Oh .. and ... the pie shop across the road (what's this other SA obsession?- calling shops Pie Land or Mr Pie? Mr Exhaust... Bead Land... Irrigation Land.....Mr Safety Film) was also closed until 2.
I've had a bad week. Forgive me.

From Western Cumbria to Western Cape Feb 2008 letter 1

2010-01-03T21:04:00.001+02:00

first published Monday, February 18, 2008

We are 4 months in to our first 6 months posting to Dwarskloof Farm.

Dwars is an Afrikaans word meaning 'across'or 'challenge'. It certainly has been a challenge. First the lack of electricians then the floods then the worms then the power cuts then the power surge then the visitors then the crickets then the post office then the insurance claim then the gates then the cv joints on the car and …new tyres… It goes on and on .. it's a relentless challenge. Dwarskloof literally means 'across a ravine'.

We seem to cross the ravine every day. Just posting a letter can be stressful. The post office closed with the demise of the petrol station in November. The petrol station (state of the science new pumps no less) was due to open again in January BUT 'they had the wrong sort of electricity' so it remains fenced off (Feb 2008). Post Office has moved to Municipality buildings but has to be manned (personed?) by a duly authorised post office official from Caledon (22kms distant). Post office hours are 12 noon to 3pm with an HOUR for lunch at 1 pm

7.30: rise and prepare myself for the task of posting a letter during the 12 noon to 1 pm time slot.

11.45: I leave home to travel to town (Greyton)

12.05: I join the queue to buy the required stamps to send a small envelope to Cape Town

12.57: Envelope is measured and weighed and declared to be a standard envelope. The uniformed post office official looks disappointed.

12.59: I am proud possessor of stamps.

1.05 pm: I walk to site of fenced off petrol station and post letter through wire with stick and masking tape device (fashioned earlier in the day)

1.10: order 'coke float' at Oak and Vigne to calm fevered brow.

1.35: receive 'coke float'

1.45: leave Oak and Vigne to travel home (forgetting to pay)

2.00: arrive home

Duration of task 2.15 hours. By now the day is almost over - pointless trying to start another task. I'll wait for RW to break open the new bottle of gin at 6 pm and note that the last time we drove to Capetown it took 2 hours.

Walk that line: Suit or Sandals or Suit with Sandals.

2010-01-03T20:29:00.001+02:00

Walk that line: Suit or Sandals or Suit with Sandals.
First Posted:Thursday, April 24, 2008

There is interest in the setting up of Community Interest companies in Cumbria associated with Energy - (Energy Coast paper (see previous blogrant)).
An agency was approached to gauge interest and I suppose ultimately some funding. The response, though positive, ended: ‘The problem …. with Social Enterprises is what they do in a Gross Value Added (GVA) model. Not for Profit companies don't contribute much to The Economy……’

Community Interest companies have better buy in and more success over private 'incomers' - so why the caveat?

Superficially the agency is correct. Not for Profit companies shouldn't contribute losses to the economy. However there are quite a few For Profit companies (big ones too - Northern Rock – to name but one) that have not contributed much to the GVA. (Work through that last sentence again before moving on – it's a wee bit convoluted but I think I know what I mean).

It's a very fine line to walk: the one between profit seeking, sharp suited entrepreneurs and sandaled, socialist do-gooders. The former is seen as dodgy to fund and the latter is also dodgy; but for different reasons. The fact is that government agencies would rather give money to the profit seeking, sharp suited entrepreneur.

Social Enterprises are not agencies redirecting public money for a fee. (Agencies that sometimes spend less on themselves than the money they are given to redistribute). Social Enterprise are sustainable - not for loss (as I prefer to call them) organizations meeting their own costs and able to make a difference and add to the GVA whilst putting any profits back into other social ventures or repaying the funder. They need to have all the controls and processes that normal businesses have – where sensible and appropriate of course. However their focus is to provide jobs and services for the common good and pay fairly its employees and supply partners.

On a GVA basis I would do away with all government funded agencies and just let me decide who gets the money.

Rant over for today.

well

2009-12-30T04:18:00.002+02:00

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=3565335&id=700721105

From October 2005: Whats nepotism Dad

2009-12-16T00:20:00.000+02:00

What’s nepotism Dad?

Nigel said, as they drove to work in the Rolls.

No idea son.. that windscreen’s dirty … must remember to wipe it.

But Dad what’s nepotism?
Yeah well drop me a note and get your mother to type it.
I’m on the train to London and back. Virgin’s £297 fare has worked wonders and made sure that the First Class Macassar carriages are nice and empty enabling me to get on with a load of work un-hindered by the working classes… or the middle classes or the upper classes. In fact the only people in here at all are people like me (on expenses) and RailTrack and Virgin workers going between jobs. A note to the Simmering Hostility Police: so far so good; staff very pleasant of all ethnic minorities including 1 Cumbrian; communication skills are good if a little loud, as I seem to be sat under a loudspeaker and 2 seats away from an Italian (virgin staff man) explaining Italian house design to a fellow worker. I have nihil against the Latins you understand.

The reason for the ‘nepotism’ tag and the boiling over hostility forcing me to blog is the Department of Trade & Industry, in the shape of the Nuclear Decommissioning Authority (NDA). It’s not really the NDA in particular (they just happen to be the most contemporary manifestation of my experience of things done in the public interest). Actually it’s not really nepotism either - see later. The government (let’s not beat about the blair) sets a set of rules and measures which it believes deliver best value for money. Yeah … I know this is starting to sound like a previous blog – but stick with me on this one.. The DTI, it’s servant the NDA, sets the agenda regardless of location or situation. No favour should be shown to local business, incumbents, competition should be the word most used, European Rules, transparency. They introduce something called ‘socio-economic impact’. BUT this is too soft for the DTI buyers and their agents to understand.

So - what has driven me to this outpouring? The fact that despite 30 plus years of doing work for the previous agent of the government - before my company can now bid work for the current agents (same people different clothes) we have to ‘pre-qualify’. This means a shit load of extra work and questions like ‘how do you communicate with your workforce?’ … ‘what is the turnover of staff and labour in your organisation.. and how do you establish the training needs and practice continuous improvement?’

What this lot forget or don’t know is that most of Cumbria is related through blood or marriage or familiarity. It is impossible not to be nepotistic(?).

I was asked once ‘how do you discipline an employee?’. My answer was ‘When I go home I have a word with his mother/sister/aunt/gran’. My auditor, for a second, thought I was joking. I then asked him who is father was and was he one of the Wigton Johnstons?

From October 2005: Oh won't you write me a letter frae Aspatria. Les Delices numero ??

2009-12-16T00:18:00.002+02:00

Today, in Spyatri, I tried to buy some croissants.

‘Nah’ was the response ..’ there’s no demand’

2 years back I tried to buy some for breakfast. I was informed that ‘as they were cakes they didn’t make them until the afternoon’ . ‘So’…. I says ‘can you make some of these cakes for tomorrow morning please .. make an exception’.

The Co-op made an exception and the following morning I was waiting at the checkout when the 5 (yes 5) croissants were put on the shelf.

‘I’ll take the 5’ I sez (would have preferred 6 but..).

‘You can’t tek aw 5’ says the checkout guard.

‘Why not?’

‘Cos there’ll be nin left’

Yeah!!!

From October 2005: Cousins Jim. But not as we know it

2009-12-16T00:17:00.000+02:00

Not some silica based life form but an attempt to explain the use of the word cousin in Cumbria.
Ray is my cousin.
My great grandmother on my father’s side had a sister who married a Bowes from Workington (I think). You will need a pen and paper for this. The Bowes had a son who married. His wife when he died/left(?) didn’t marry again but had some children from 2 relationships. Ray is the eldest and he is my cousin. Ray has a half sister. She is also my cousin.

My grand father’s brother (my great uncle) was briefly married. His wife ‘buggered off’ (as they say in Keswick) with some chap (again from Workington). They had a boy who they christened with the same name as my grandfather ( first name, second name and surname). He too had a son, named the same way. This chap bears the same surname as me but with the Christian names of my grandfather. He is no blood relationship whatsoever and is currently in Durham jail, not as a screw I hasten to add (that’s my first cousin who was a screw at Kirkham jail – who also bears the same name. The jail bird Tom is also my cousin.
Do you follow me?
Oh … and Mike, who works with me, whose father was in Burma with my father in 1943 is also my cousin.

Are you clear on that?

From October 2005: The Pumpkinisation of Our Society

2009-12-16T00:14:00.000+02:00

The last time that I remember anything from Halloween must have been 10 years ago. The time before that there was something about nearly drowning in a zinc bath of water trying to bite a floating apple whilst blindfolded with my hands behind my back .. or was that the time I was a hostage in Beirut. Anyhow it was all good fun BUT I still have the nightmares and am unable to eat a whole apple without being sick and confessing to being a witch. So where do these fucking pumpkins come from? We used to hollow out turnips (Swedes to you Southerners) and have the house smelling like stale farts for weeks and that was it as far as I remember – no pumpkins, no Bush/Blair masks. My sister made a pointey hat once, and there was something about bed sheets and the mother’s best table cloth to do the ghost thing but that was it.

Penny for the guy I remember but I do not remember the trick or treat mugging.

What happened?

Whilst I’m almost on the subject: why have there been fireworks going off since last week and why will they last until a week after bonfire night, and, why did Christmas start in July?

From November 2005: And did those sheep in ancient times part 2

2009-12-16T00:12:00.002+02:00

And did those sheep

And did those sheep in ancient times part 2

Well – did you see ROME on Wednesday night? I watched the first 50 minutes of the spectacular and then got bored just after Brutus had his way with the shepherdess with the sheep looking on, or queuing up, I’m not sure which. They weren’t running away!. AND before anybody else says it – yes it is quite possible that it was filmed in Cumbria. No wonder the sheep look worried. That must be what sheep worrying is all about.

I hope no cattle were harmed in the making of the series. Or tench. Or dormice.

From November 2005: Oh Wont you write me.. a letter from Aspatria: ONE

2009-12-16T00:10:00.000+02:00

Oh Won’t you write me .. a letter from Aspatria: One

The first thing to learn is the pronunciation: ASPEYTREEUH.

It is the only place I know in the world with 3 A’s and all pronounced differently.

The first A is pronounced as in Bath (the short guttural Northern version please).

The second A is like the A in Cake.

The third A is an uh .. a sort of grunt.

Ok you got it Aspeytreeuh - ASPATRIA.

Repeat after me - ASPATRIA.

It gets complex now. The locals drop the first A…..more like move it to replace the e in Spey… move the Y in front of the moved A to make SPYAT (not SPY AT but SPYAT (like SPLAT) but with a YU. You then have to drop the last A and pronounce the I as EE. So? if you are still with me . SPYATREE.

BUT .. just in case you are getting comfortable with this. If you mention SPYATREE to any West Cumbrian, the conversation assumes some sort of Pavlovian call and response.

Where’s th’ frae?

Spyatree.

Spyatree? LowpOot?

Aye. LowpOot
I have this cunning plan to replace the Aspatria signs with Spyatree LowpOot. I’ll sponsor the making of them (I have a friend in Wukintun with a sign making business) I just need some help under cover of darkness for the realisation of this fantasy.

LowpOot dates back to the 1860’s when the railway guard informed the third class passengers that ‘the train had now arrived at Aspatria station.. would the Third Class passengers care to disembark’, by shouting ‘SPYATREE – LOWPOOT’

Next letter from Aspatria, I will attempt to teach all our blog readers to pronounce Torpenhow, Baggrow, Workington, Broughton, Moota and Blindcraig. I also have a cunning plan to replace all their road signs too.

Whilst I am in this frame - why is Harker Marsh subtitled Sunny Slack?

From November 2005: Blogger Stress

2009-12-16T00:08:00.000+02:00

Web Log. I have to remind myself that this is what it is – a Web Log. A log a diary, a journal. How I feel on a subject? I know that we have an audience and that sometimes we address ‘the readers’ but - it is just a personal log fergodsake. Recent threats of litigation, visits from the Russian mafia, critical comments on style, content, grammar are conspiring to restrict the flow.

We had the upset over a film critique and the incredibly silly flag thing and trouble brewing over hostility to train managers and architects. It set me thinking that maybe that’s the problem with personal logs in that they depend so much on our own inside knowledge. Readers have to have the background and understanding of the writers to appreciate why the piece was written. The blog postings are not neutral newspaper reports nor are they essays to be marked and returned with ‘must try harder; grammar poor; do you really have to be so hard on Barrow-in Furness’

I tracked back some links to a small rant I produced about Santander. Some reader blasted, what I thought was a clever debunk of, my attempt to speak a foreign language, in particular Spanish. The post praised the Spanish diet and suggested that if it wasn’t for their smoking they would live forever. What put the back up of my critic was the title ‘ My Spanish is Trez Merdre’. An in-joke in the Ren household and therefore I should have realised incomprehensible to anyone other than family or the David Jason school of comedy. A few years back whilst on hols with my mother in the Picos Europa, at breakfast I attempted to get some more butter for the mother’s toast. I managed to mangle some French, Italian and Spanish and asked for three more donkeys. Trez Mas Burro Por Favour GasOn Is what I actually said. There was much laughter from the kitchen

From November 2005: Thursday, November 24, 2005; Prefab plant sprouts

2009-12-16T00:04:00.000+02:00

Prefab plant sprouts on CORUS site … (see 13 Nov 05 Workington Edition of Times & Star ). We Cumbrians are always keen to embrace the superior knowledge and entrepreneurial prowess of people from ‘out of County’. I have no doubt Colin Ratcliff-Springall has lived in Cumbria, with interests in Keswick and its history, for sometime, and that he did design the front of a school in Humberside (it says so. See Kingswood High School). Putting aside my inherited hostility to All Architects (My Dad was a builder) I have real doubts about the feasibility of this plan. If I had come up with the plan I am convinced that it would be entirely overlooked. Our local politicians would have stood on my shoulders to see if there was anybody outside of the County available to support . I know! Yes! I know! that ‘you cannot be a prophet in your own land’ but I live in hope. So what makes me so negative about Architect Ratcliff-Springall’s scheme? First I’m almost certain that CORUS themselves investigated the idea of manufacturing prefabricated steel frame housing in their redundant facilities in Scunthorpe and Sheffield. So why should CORUS move the Workington rail making plant to Scunthorpe? I do have an idea (as I used to work for CORUS/British Steel). It would make sense though to prefabricate the houses nearer to the source of the raw materials and also the use of the final product. Actually that’s the main reason for moving the rail plant to Scunthorpe. Cumbria (as usual) on the West Coast of the West of Europe has very poor access. West Coast Rail and the M6 should be known as the Joint Cumbria By-Pass. All the better for that in my opinion but not good for economic development. Ratcliff-Springall’s other scheme -‘ a new guild of Lakeland Artists and Craftspeople’ is a slap in the face of our own artists and craftspeople and the existing guilds. We have a heritage. Designs in metal… fixtures, fittings, embellishments, high volume….. hang on - they come from China. What we need is high margin, high skill, high art, high craft. It’s going to be fine though because the Arts & Crafts scheme would be lead by artisan teachers brought in from Eastern Europe. Hello…. that’s ok then because our existing teachers, colleges, schools and soon–to-be-university are pretty rubbish? The Cumbria Institute of the Arts is the biggest Art, Craft, Media education establishment in Europe and has Eastern European links and students. If we haven’t already got artists, workers, teachers then by all means bring them in. But can’t we use up what we’ve got first? In anticipation of the Eastern Europe link and the obvious lack of legal expertise in Cumbria, our Architect has employed Russian lawyer Olga Kalinina to help him with the driving of the plan. Rule 2 in my business is ‘never employ a lawyer’. Rule 1 is something to do with never employing family.

The Web threw up very little on Radcliff-Springall or his daughter Sophia (BA Fine Arts Manchester Met 2003), but just out of interest I did a search on the Russian lawyer. The only hit I got was in Brides Find UK. Same name, but described as a ‘manager’ not a lawyer so not the same person. The Brides Find Olga, under My future husband should be says“ I would like to fall in love and stay forever with intelligent, well-educated, very serious, kind, honest , romantic, understanding , passionate, financially secure man. A gentleman who knows how to enjoy life, how to love and to be loved, who needs love and family, but at the same time - a very simple guy with a very simple life. Age is not important for me. Aged 35-55.” Rules me out on age.. simple life… romantic… hang on I’m not looking for a bride and I’ve digressed .. sorry … I was ranting about local development strategy. Our local agencies and their officers do find it difficult to convince the public at large that they are doing a good job. It only takes one bad investment to overshadow all the good stuff. That’s the way of the World. Phil Cram (who wrote the Times & Star article) I think sees this plan for what it is and by exposing it in his very dead pan and matter of fact way has probably done enough to sink it. I was going to write to the ‘papers’ but I might as well be stereotyped …. ‘Cumbrians can’t be arsed’.

From November 2005: Pumpkins 3.. or even Carlisle

2009-12-16T00:00:00.000+02:00

Pumpkins 3.. or even Carlisle

Yes, last night we had pumpkin pie, and very nice it was too. Must be the only thing you can do with the big orange squash thing. 'How' I asked the hostess 'Do you make the pumpkin pie?' Here's the killer .. despite the thousands sacrificed in the pursuit of 'trick or treat', the first thing you have to do is import 'your pumpkin pie mix from America'.

For those of you who didn't know already Thanksgiving is the North American harvest festival celebration held on the 3rd/4th (?) Thursday in November and was started when the founding fathers had managed a full year, including a harvest, and had a dinner with the native Americans to thank them for showing them some of the local farming knowledge. At least that's what I think our hostess and the American chap guest said. Sounds reasonable to me and a lot better than the reason for the Christmas excesses we will soon have to endure. Why do we have to have turkey at Christmas? What drives the population in general to wear Santa hats?

I digress. In Cape Town, as we know, it is currently Summer. Christmas music can be heard in the shops, trees are on sale, Santas can be found on street corners doing..?? (do you know I haven't got a clue what they are doing) .....but anyway.. Santas are on street corners. Predominately black and coloured Santas. Post apartheid white Santas appeared. Then a pressure group insisted on Mother Santas (of all colours). Last year I noticed pink Santas. As SA's constitution is very liberal in the recognition of same sex relationships, and Cape Town is the home of the Mother City Queer Party (MCQP) we now have Santas of every persuasion colour, creed and age.

I can't see it happening in Aspatria yet ... or even Carlisle. Cumbria has persuasion and age but the colour and creed is still a long way off.

From November 2005: Friday 25 Nov 2005

2009-12-15T23:44:00.000+02:00

Friday, November 25, 2005

6.45pm. Just got home feeling a bit sleepy as it has been a long cold week. I could do with the night in front of the fire preceded by steak and salad and a bottle of Graham Beck Railroad Red. However - we have to attend a Thanksgiving dinner. Our Canadian friend and lowland Scot hubby have invited another North American, a friend and the Ren couple. They obviously haven't read the blog and I hope that pumpkin is not on the menu. I will be good though.. don't want to get into anymore trouble - do I? For what are we giving Thangsgiving for? Will there be deep fried turkey? Will there be any North American Indians slaughtered? Will we toast the King? Why the 24th of November.

4 years back I was staying in London. In the hotel at breakfast a tartan trousered American couple were having steak and eggs whilst their gawky tooth-braced daughter was picking the food out of some muesli. They were reading the Daily Mail which had the headline 'World to End February 23rd 2042- Official'. The mother said 'jeez Elmer we must get hold of an American calendar and see what date that is back home'.

I decided against an explanation. 4 years later I feel I need one.

From November 2005: Pumpkins 3.. or even Carlisle

2009-12-15T23:42:00.000+02:00

From December 2005: Noel

2009-12-15T23:33:00.000+02:00

No .. Hell?

It's 5 years since we last had a Christmas at home. I had forgotten just how overpowering is the urge to buy gifts, food, wrapping paper, cards, decorations and more food. I've just put the brandy butter sauce in the cupboard to find the brandy butter sauce 'we' bought 5 years ago (4 years and a bit beyond the bbd). Mrs R., despite constant counseling from me, insists on just decorating the house a bit more and buying stuff that I know I could put straight in the bin rather than peel it and cook it first. For the last 5 years we've gone South to the Western Cape of SA and avoided the excesses. The shopping malls of SA will have been playing Rudolph and Slade since early November so don't think rabid consumerism hasn't touched BUT somehow we avoid the worst of it when we are there. Here in West Cumbria though it's impossible to hide. The old age delinquents (Mrs R's parents) will be here soon, our 2 sons (the minstrel and the baby jesus one(family joke)) will do their duty, Mrs R's sister and Murry will bring lager and I won't be able to hear the TV. I wonder if I can get a last minute flight. And another thing - I hate that Marks & Spencer advert.

From August 2006: Just a minute Clement - you are listing again.

2009-12-15T23:29:00.001+02:00

Just a minute Clement - you are listing again.

And so! It’s the ragged end of summer. No two days the same. The grass is reluctant to grow, except for tall weeds forced from the cracks in the yard, their sustenance sucked from below.

Tuesday I drove back from Leeds and on a whim took the road via Lakeland Plastics, The Duck Feeding Pier, The World of Football, The Indonesian Furniture Warehouse, The William and Dorothy Wordsworth car park..........stuck in the train of cars behind the Mountain Goat Japanese Tourist Bus Company to Fleece Central (Keswick). At least the Japanese see the lakes and the mountains, albeit framed in their cellphone/ digi-camera/ mp3 screens. The queue outside the Pitlochry cardigan centre to root through the sale offerings was impressive.

I resolve to not go to the Lakes in August BUT to set fire to the World of Football and a curio shop and an outdoor clothing shop (or two) and the Stars of the Cars and any paintings of rocks by artists with inflated opinions of their own talent (though how would they know? - good point.. but hell I’m beyond caring). Clement you are listing. Surely this should be an interruption rule in 'Just a Minute'? I digress.

Somehow we must subvert what the Lake District tourist experience has become. How come I never noticed the tatty and sordid parts before? Has it been a sudden change? Maybe, when the development agencies have finished improving Blackpool, the tourists could go there and we could remediate the Lake District. I’m sure that Environmental Protection Act would insist on the removal of all ‘contaminated’ land. I’d start with the soil beneath The World of Football.

I bought some nice cleaning products in Lakeland Plastics..

from Monday, October 17, 2005: Dustbin Laden

2009-12-01T19:09:00.000+02:00

Dustbin Laden

I am at risk, again, of offending the Barrow-In-Furness Simmering Hostility Police. This time the focus of my 'just off boiling' pointed remarks is Allerdale Refuse Management. Refuse = Garbage (for the benefit of our American readers). Refuse Management doesn't mean refuse management.... I'm labouring this ... move on quick.

Allerdale Borough Council charge the Ren Household an additional £2.56 a week for the privilege of having Trade Waste. The waste generated by our holiday cottage business is classed as Trade Waste NOT domestic. Are you with me still? I am written to once or twice a year by Brian Stansfield (head of Trade Waste Services- Allerdale) asking me to define the waste to a number of codes (a 2 page form!!) to say: how it will be contained; who the holder of the waste is; where it can be collected; and if am I the producer? I have to enter into a contract for them to provide me with an extra bin and for them to remove the waste. I send the form to them in duplicate;they sign and send it back. A struck off solicitor (Alan James) would charge £80 plus VAT to do this. I am losing the will.

Once a quarter they bill me £42 for the privilege. I have to pay once I get the bill as they do not accept direct debit (nor over payment). Brian S and I get on really well. He is only doing the job. It's the system that's stupid. Inevitably I miss the payment date. The system sends me a red letter. I pay. They send me another red letter there is some crossing in the post. I cannot remember if I have paid or not. I pay again. They now have a variance on my account they assume any variance is negative. They withdraw my bin. I remonstrate. They apologise. I say keep the money 'it's only £42 .. treat it as an advance. NO they say, good humordly, we will send you a cheque. And so they do. They return a bin (this time smaller than the one I had). The refuse collection lorry drives over both bins and smashes lids. 6 months pass. I do not complain ... a bin without a lid is a lidless bin? One day last month an additonal lidded bin appeared on the front lawn. Things are looking up. I put the bin to use. 2 days ago one of the old bins (full of garbage) goes missing. I am now confused. I now have a large sulo bin (green wuith red lid) and a black smallish lidless bin. Which of these 2 bins is being charged at £2.56 a week?

According to my records I have not had an invoice for garbage since April.. have I missed one? Have they confiscated my bin? Who is the Queen of the Netherlands? What was the date of the South Sea Bubble? So many questions.. so little time. How many roads must a man walk down? I should 'phone Mr Stansfield and straighten this thing out but can I really be bothered. It is probably worth £2.56 a week not to have them write to me.

The Martin Scorsese Dylan retrospective was wonderful by the way.

from Thursday, October 06, 2005: The endless waltz of British Rail

2009-12-01T19:05:00.000+02:00

from Thursday, October 06, 2005:
The endless waltz of British Rail

The endless waltz of Virgin Rail
Carries both, me and the mail
Travel first or standard class
Standard will still cost some brass..

.....So. Last week I did my monthly tour.. Car to Leeds, then train to London, 2 nights in the city (country bumpkin looking up at buildings....chatting to taxi drivers..... Avoiding eye contact with the Big Issue woman at St James Park..) then the train back to Cumbria.

All went well until we reached Crewe. I travel First Class (company insists), though it breaks my heart to have to pay nearly 300 quid for the privilege of the return ticket to Penrith. You do however get a free newspaper (£1), free drinks (£5) and a free sandwich (£5?). That makes the journey worth circa 290 quid. I digress.

At Crewe the train stopped as promised BUT did not go any further. The Train Manager, who body doubled and sounded like Idi Amin but much better looking, announced that "for the benefit(?) of the customers this train set will not be going beyond Crewe today because of problems with the vipers" . Crackle.... um.. piercing whistle feedback....... enefit of customers (pop) the problem is the Wipers .. the windscreen wipers have developed a technical problem.....and a driver is coming..... please make your way to platform 11 where another train set will be arriving maybe in 20 minutes.... customers for Manchester Picaliddy .......Pick ... Aaa.... PickAARdly should go to platform 6. There was no rain to be seen by the way.

Look! I do believe that if you are working as a train (set) manager, in the transport business, then you should know the place names of the country you are working in. Yes, yes I know I would struggle with some of them Ugandan names but - I am not managing a train set in Uganda, am I?

Anyway, Idi went on to manage his way through Warrington Bonk Qgway, CarLiz- le, Offen Home the Lake District and a couple more goes at Picadilly. I happen to like the Pickarliddy and will be using that from now on. Offen Home is pretty good.

After 45 minutes of musical platforms.. make your way to platform 6............no 11........... No 2 etc... we were settled once more on our journey.

At Preston, Idi was rested and we got a small red haired Glaswegian as our Train Manager. He was, yes you've guessed, completely incomprehensible.

He made his way through the train apologising for the delay, and asked me if I was travelling first class on a first class ticket (my crumpled Rohan voyager suit wasn't enough?!); then asked 2 guys opposite me the same question. They replied NO - as the seats in standard class were all taken. Jock said that this was OK BUT he would have to declassify their seats. Oh. The public humiliation of having the 'Embroidered First Class Anti-Macassar' unvelcroed from your seat must be worth a few bob in compensation from Mr Branson.

Those anti-macassars must be worth a fiver so that brings the journey cost down to £285. I wonder how they work out the rest of the price? I feel a letter coming on.

Dear Richard...

from September 2005: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

2009-12-01T18:52:00.000+02:00

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

Readers will have noticed that the WIR produces 3 to 4 times more blogadoolies than his fellow ranters. I'm struggling. Nothing that I have done since our return from WCSA merits a blog.

The arrangements for the live music festival in our garden on the 24th of this month move on: The toilets are paid for, the chairs also, the flag pole/ sail shelter support is up... though I do have to design and make a couple of clamps... maybe I should be doing that instead of this blog. Yeah that's what I will do. So for now, dear diary, au revoir.

from Wednesday, August 31, 2005: At Last - Les Delices de SA. 5 Star Sign Wars

2009-12-01T18:50:00.000+02:00

At Last - Les Delices de SA. 5 Star Sign Wars

Our local village in WCSA boasts 'the only 5 star restaurant' in the Western Cape. Or so it says on three of the biggest road-side signs adorning the 20k's of country road from the main N2 to Greyton. Beautifully made signs they may be. However they are totally uneccesary and unwanted. For a start Herman, the german proprietor of the Greyt-on-Main (getit?) Restaurant & Rooms thinks that signs should be fullsome in their praise of his establishment. I assume he wrote the copy himself. To read everything on the sign requires a stop of 5 minutes or so a) to read and b) to understand the meaning. There's even a super text on a flyboard above the main board proclaiming the establishment to be ' The 3 A's broker for Accomodation, Activity and .... " another A which I can't remember 'cos I was going to fast at the first sign, missed the second sign and ran out of interest at the third. Oh! and what does 0% commission mean? I think it's an in-joke dig at the many estate agents in the town. The erection of the signs has caused a whole load of comment and downturn in his business I believe. The locals have decided that such boasting and the spoiling of the views wins Herman no friends. In fact there is now unwelcome interest in 'who was the awarding body for the 5 stars?' I am told that the food is very good but not 5star good... it's a german restaurant in South African for godsake. Unless he got the stars for 5 ways with eisbein and cabbage. All agree that it is a mystery.

Last night though war broke out. There had been talk and letters in the press calling for Herman to remove the signs. He said he would respond on his return from Namibia (on a pig knuckle buying trip?). It seems that Persons Against Uneccasry Signage and Eisbein (PAUSE) decided to take the signs down and destroy them. The village is happy... no-one has owned up.... Herman will be furious, unless of course it was he who did the deed in an attempt win back customers. I for one would not have eaten there until the offending signage had been removed.

Tonight we return to WCUK so a review of das eisbein vil hev to vait until after Christmas

from August 29, 2005: Les Delices De SA part 2

2009-12-01T18:43:00.000+02:00

Les Delices - NO.

Amidst the sophistication of the Western Cape in SA there's the Venster Cafe in the car park of The Wildflower Garden, Caledon. The wildlife garden is superb: "The second major asset of Caledon is the world-renowned wild flower garden and reserve. The 56 ha garden is notable for its wonderful variety of indigenous flowers, superb examples of one of the richest flora in the world. Explore the Garden famed for its splendid displays wildflowerers - Namaqualand daisies, gazanias, the beautiful Caledon bluebell, about 135 species of protea and much else. Here you will find charming pathways and wooden bridges, lawns, picnic spots, an ornamental lake, handsome indigenous trees, shrubs, a prolific birdlife and of course the flowers. At the top of the mountain, you will see a fascinating rock formation called The Window. The gardens tea room provides refreshments and visitors can buy plants from the nursery. The garden is open daily from 07h30 to 17h00.Caledon is also well-known for its wheat fields, barley, onions and wool. Southern Associated Maltsters have in the town the largest malt-producing plant in the Southern Hemisphere. The malting factory processes 140 000 tonnes of barley annually. A wild flower show is held every September and a Beer and Bread Festival in March."
The beer and bread festival also features 'bad sausage' - but that will be a separate blog. We (SAS, The Minder, Mrs RM and mesel) really enjoyed the garden and the reserve and inasort of way enjoyed the Vensters Cafe experience. It was 2pm we had wandered the reserve, admiring the plants, picking our way (risk assessmentment though not risk free) over boulders, broken bridges and slippery when wet signage and had got to the hunger stage. For charming pathways and wooden bridges - read: bloody dangerous rotting metal bridges. We retired to the cafe - strangely busy for a Monday afternoon. Seated in the non-smoking section of the establishment we admired the plastic tablecloths, the 'can't be bothered curtains, lampshades in some exotic plant theme and plastic floral arrangements. The 56 hectare garden cannot provide decorative flora .... aaargghhhh! The menu was mainly burger and chips. SAS and I chose the Eisbein. Only two left. These are traditional Bavarian fodder. I believe "Pig Knuckle". In the depths of SA you question? Will they take long to cook? They are cooked from fresh we are told. Oh my God says SAS.. and... How how long does that take? 2 minutes on high in microwave says our waitron. Despite two returns to the chef - mine remains 'off cold'. SAS manages the whole of his without comment. I do not want to appear a wingeing pom. I pick at the hot bits and cover the remains with the plate of Mrs RW's burger. However - I do manage to knock back all of the chips plus 2 cokes.

This is the way to live!? I will endeavour to describe a good eaterie in SA before we leave SA.

from August 18, 2005: The other West Cumbria - In SA - estate agents are a cult.

2009-12-01T18:38:00.000+02:00

We are back in the Western Cape.
Been here 2 weeks now.

Greyton is a lot like Lorton. However, Greyton has more donkeys and cows on the streets and probably more infrastructure. There may be more telephone numbers - approx 400 ( total capacity of 999 with a format -021 2549-XXX) and definitely more Estate Agents - 7 at the last count. Thats 1 for every 60 houses!

In SA the Estate Agent is king/queen. The local papers - instead of showing a photo of the house (pronounced Hars) to be sold; they show a younger picture of the estate agent. (see Pam Golding).

The current pic of Pam and her children was taken approx 15 years ago .. and still in regular use.

They also do the same when selling cars.

from Sunday, August 14, 2005: The Wild West Coast of South Africa Part Three

2009-12-01T18:32:00.000+02:00

Don’t get me wrong but we actually enjoyed our 4 days break up the coast. South Africa isn’t like the rest of Africa and The West Coast is probably nearer to real Africa than South Africa is. Come to think of it the West Coast is probably nearer to the West Coast of Scotland e.g. Largs, or maybe even West Cumbria’s beloved Silloth, in the 50’s. If you factor on top of that what you can imagine the boere (Afrikaner farmer) thinks of as being hip and stylish then you have it. A few examples:
Day 1 We take the dirt road from Elands Bay to Lamberts Bay. The dirt road is a Toll Road. 20 Rand (£1.80) is required to make the 50 kilometre dash alongside the railway line dicing death at crossings with 2 mile long iron ore trains. We cannot pay the coloured lady on the toll bar! Coloured is not a derogatory term. There are blacks, whites, asians and coloureds in SA; coloured being ‘mixed race’, usually Afrikaner with the Khoi San Bushmen people (well before Apartheid). Scouse African Steve (SAS) points out that ‘this is new’. It turns out that ‘in the new SA’ the general paranoia is that the ‘coloured girl’ will become a target for craam (crime). Her takings from 40 cars a day (approx £70) will become too much of a temptation for her or her friends. No wonder she looked pissed off as she stood there in the middle of nowhere. The southwester helmet and the driving rain might have had a bit to do with it too.

So we make our way to the Elands Bay Hotel (next to the fish factory). (note the 'old boat' in restaurant and neat curtains and nice TV to watch whilst you eat)

The smell of stale lager, fags, floor polish, dripping rain… overwhelms the fish factory. A white Afrikaans speaking chap in shorts of indeterminate age and skin like one of those new grapefruit things directs me beyond the drip catching buckets, through some sliding doors which have long since stopped sliding (but have a nice appliquéd dolphin on them to indicate the sea theme nature of the establishment) to the sandlopper bar. It is 9.30 in the morning but the dimly lit bar is already in business. The barman, a dead spit for the lead singer with Dr Hook, except he has 2 eyes (both equally blood shot).. oh and 3 teeth, laboriously writes me a receipt for the toll in quadruplicate. I get 1 copy, he files 1 copy and he puts 2 in the overflowing ash tray. I thank him in Afrikaans - ‘baiie dankie’ (pronounced Buy a Donkey) and make my way back through this colander of an hotel to SAS and Mrs RM and The Minder. At the other end of the dirt road and many stops for viewings of flamingo, plovers, heron, seals, iron ore trains we show our ticket to a younger version of the chap in shorts and a few clicks later we arrive at Lamberts Bay.

Lamberts Bay is a lot like Elands Bay with a much bigger fish factory and a very large colony of Cape Gannets and a very large pile of Gannet Guano.

The viewing of 1000’s of gannets, jack-ass penguins, seals, dolphins and whales took us 2 days to do interspersed with our usual culture tours. Brunch at the Lambert’s Bay Hotel was uneventful apart from my 2 mile hike to the guest toilet. There was a detour to pick up a key from the chap in shorts again. Whilst I struggled with the local currency and the divide by 2 stuff to pay for the 128 Rands worth of coffee, toasties, and chips (pronounced chups), SAS had found ‘Nanas’!! How I wish this woman had a web site. Nana is a local Afrikaans speaking….. cross between a biker’s short moll and a American west coast hippy. She had a fixed expression and painted on eyebrows. Nana’s is a Gift and Curio Shop, Hairdressers, Pet Grooming and… Taxidermist. Actually novelty taxidermy. What had attracted SAS’s attention was the stuffed Blue Crane (the national bird of SA) on the front step of the shop, held upright by a dowel of wood through the eye sockets and strung from the ceiling. The stuff inside was much more gruesome. Apart from most of the endangered birds of SA, she exhibited fantasy animals made up from the assorted pieces of other animals. Duck feet, porcupine body, antelope head with the teeth of the Dr Hook guy at Elands Bay. Yes she does dentistry too. There was no getting away for SAS as she explained to him in a dead pan how she made each of the items in her exhibition. His scouse irony was lost on her.

‘Are you sure you don’t want to buy anything?’ We locked the car doors and floored the accelerator. As I looked back she was fondling a door knocker made from a Springbok’s scrotum. ‘Viree poplar wuth the faarmers waarvs’

from Thursday, August 11, 2005:The Wild West Coast SA Part Two – Les Delices De SA Part I

2009-12-01T18:26:00.000+02:00

The Wild West Coast SA Part Two – Les Delices De SA Part I

As far as we were able to tell from our brief stay there was only one place for dinner – The Front Beech Restaurant (Voorstrandt Restaurant) Patternoster .... and one for breakfast - ‘Spill The Beans’ Lamberts Bay.
Lamberts Bay is worth a blog all of it's own. Food wise though - It was desperate!

We were reduced to eating at ‘The Spur’ Vredenberg on most nights. Actually ‘The Spur’ is really quite good. It’s formula eating – steaks, burgers, hake, curries, chips, salad bar but exceptionally good quality and value. Regional cuisine it is not. It’s also a weird themed experience. All ‘The Spur’ restaurants are themed on North American Indians. Pictures and models of Red Indians abound plus tomahawks and dream catchers and weirdest of all - Tiffany stained glass lampshades based on feather head dresses. Your average North American Indian Teepee is evidently keen on the Tiffany Lamp. I can only think that the idea must have come from the States, along with Coca Cola, Macdonalds, and KFC - also in abundance in SA. (All school signs are sponsored by Coca Cola). It’s still odd though: a North American Native themed restaurant selling non North American Native food in a distinctly non North American Native location. Thursday night was also Matriculation night at Vredenberg High School. Only this could happen in SA. The Spur had organised a fund raising event for the school. All the prefects were shadowing a member of the Spur Staff for the evening. These 18 year old, polite, respectful students (both sexes and all races) in their immaculate prefect’s uniforms took orders, served the salad, cooked the steaks under the supervision of the uniformed polite and knowledgeable staff of a similar age. It would never happen in the UK! We got the Head Girl to serve up our chops. Where else?

Just been told the SPUR is a South Afican Company - first started in Cape Town in 1967

from Saturday, August 06, 2005:Nature versus Nurture: The West Coast of South Africa Part One

2009-12-01T18:23:00.000+02:00

Nature versus Nurture: The West Coast of South Africa Part One

For the last 4 days mesel and RW and our mates Scouse African Steve (SAS) and his Minder Jane (MJ) have been touring the West Coast of South Africa in search of ‘the Daisy’. When I say ‘Daisy’ I actually mean millions and millions of daisies. For a few weeks at this time of the year, after the first rains of the Cape Spring the desert blooms. Wordsworth would have had problems writing Daffodils if he’d seen this lot first. The first hurdle was that we were perhaps a couple of weeks early and second they’d had the wrong sort of rain. In addition the infrastructure is not good: few towns, few roads (quite a lot of them sand or dirt) and to be fair the locals make little attempt to exploit the ‘wild flowers’. You can actually drive past what appears to be a ‘sand expanse’ or a huge field full of ‘a crop’ without realising that the crop is actually miles and miles of wild flowers.

The wild west coast of SA- a strip approx 700 miles long by 150 miles is sparsely populated and badly developed. Interesting sentence? … wild west….badly. I was going to change badly to poorly but … the natural beauty of the place: beaches, deserts, mountains, sunrises, sunsets…. Happily overawes what man has done and sort of makes you blind to the pylons, fish-factories, steelworks and cement plant. OK there may be only one steelworks … but it’s a big one, somehow in a threatened sandveld bio-diversity park. Although it looks a little like the Taj Mahal – it isn’t!

The Scouse African Steve and Minder Jane were determined to pay us back for the use of our house and the trip to the Wild West was the answer and we had to pack in everything on offer for the 4 days we could get at their time share at the Port Owen development at Veldsdrift (population 8432) .. fish factory… 1 hotel…. 3 very bad fish restaurants….. the Cerebos Salt factory and a coffee bar. SAS organised a bird watching river trip with Jonnijester, a coloured guy who spoke impeccable English and sported a fake gold Rolex. His employee - ‘Skipper’ was a white Afrikaaner (yes this is the new South Africa) spoke no English and had no fingers on his left hand… probably lost stopping that fan thing at the back of the boat ..suggested SAS. Skipper Andy's one contribution to the trip was, to sort of wave his stump in the direction of about a 1000 obvious flamingos.
There's more - Les Delices of the SA West Coast - there are none! and 'Nana' .... just wait while I draw breath.

from Sunday, July 24, 2005The Other WC

2009-12-01T18:19:00.000+02:00

I am currently working unsupervised. Higher management (Mrs RM/MsRW) has gone to the Western Cape, South Africa (WCSA) for the summer leaving me here in West Cumbria UK (WCUK) for a couple of weeks before joining her for August. She threatens to blog from there but so far has resisted. The village and surroundings of Greyton in WCSA are not unlike WCUK - some weather exceptions maybe - although at this time of year their early spring is a lot like our high summer - but with less rain. Today though Cumbria is glorious.

I was going to embark upon the Health Service Rant... but all is well with me and the world as it affects me today so - I'm going to leave it.

from July 17 2005: Broughton Moor Dumped - now this really is a rant .....

2009-12-01T18:07:00.000+02:00

Broughton Moor Dumped - now this really is a rant

For 4 years the utropia team have attempted to become the development partner with the local authority (Allerdale/?) for the Broughton Moor ex naval weapons 'dump' in West Cumbria. This week the plans were turned down for the second time by West Lakes Renaissance a government funded agency dedicated, like the other 26 agencies in West Cumbria to the generation of funding for their own existence. The utropia team have produced an inclusive integrated model for the development of the total site which included a sensitive cost effective remediation plan, education, sport, hotels, entertainment and the arts, housing, transport, infrastructure, business, trade, commerce, agriculture, energy and waste management with massive buy-in from the local population. It's actually an excellent model for West Cumbria as a whole. It is not an environmental theme park (as wrongly described by the WC Times) although everything done at the site would comply with the utropian principles, which are very much based on environment and humanity. Most importantly it is not a single trick plan - for example sports academy or hotel or god forbid a paintball park. The remediation of the site is seen as part of utropia and would be the starting point for the whole project. Strangely - the low impact approach to the remediation advocated by utropia has been adopted by West Lakes Renaissance, but without acknowledgment.

The 'shadow board' put in place by Allerdale to manage their 'Derwent Forest Park' scheme (incidentally just another cost for West Lakes renaissance to raise funds for) have called at different times for expressions of interest. The first time was pre-shadow-body the second time was in a bit of a hurry with an hour given for presentations of a complex nature. The first time was to a fairly complex scope but to be based on an expression of interest only. The second time was just an invite. Neither presentation was ideal or timely and on both occasions failed to answer the question that was not asked. This seems to be the catch 22 of most agencies. They don't ask you a question which in consequence is not answered and so the submission fails. Agency can thus not make a decision having lashed out £50k or so to consultants who tell them that to do nothing carries the least risk. I wonder what the risk is that consultants might not be employed by Allerdale.

Despite the West Lakes Renaissance letter of refusal - the future vision for Broughton Moor has already been shaped and set by utropia. To not accept the utropia model and partnership however can only mean that whatever happens will be watered down; have a high environmental impact; give the worst possible result and not maximise the benefit to the local economy in the construction and operation (take a look at Workington Town Centre Development - how many locals there!).

Already the remediation is being done by an out of county contractor. I have met the guys and they seem well intentioned, but why oh why could Allerdale not find a local company? How come I know of Cumbrian companies good enough to restore parts of London, Glasgow, Paris, Dublin but somehow not good enough for Workington?

I am more convinced that the best thing for the economy is the extinction of the DTI and all of it's agencies. Competition, European Rules, Innovation .... all conspire to give the worst possible solution for most projects... a micro costing approach... littered with project and company failures and out-of-county solicitors, accountants and consultants raking off 15 to 20% of the cost of a potential project often before it starts.

I do despair. At Broughton Moor with utropia there was an opportunity to make a difference to Cumbria. The politicians and their servants (the agencies and sub agencies) could have partnered with a local development team to add real value to Cumbria. Utropia is a long term vision. It could be done without public money. The remediation could generate value. People would want it to succeed. My Cumbrian vision now is that the remediation will be done badly; we will have a succession of amateur uses for the site; all standalone - some displacing and weakening existing business and trade - and whatabout a good outdoor clothing shop? - that's a good idea as there's 20 or so in Keswick all doing very well I believe. The utropia team (and as you have probably guessed I am one of them) understand what it is to live and work and play in Cumbria our intent is plain we have no self agenda. The local authorities, their agencies, their boards and servants with a few exceptions do not have the nerve to make any decision - never mind a good one. The fear of the auditor puts pay to that. I'm also a director of one of the agencies so I now declare an interest. Not for much longer though, as on reflection I now see that I have been unable to make any difference to the operation or success of the agency by attending 4 meetings a year....It made sod all difference. The head of one of the agencies (not one that I am involved with) does not live, actually work, or play in Cumbria... so how the hell can they make any judgment on what is good for us.

A couple more points before I shut up:

1) Our newly elected Copeland MP Jamie Reed (born and bred - young bright socialist I hope) said that if he hadn't have been in Whitehaven at the time of the London bombs he would have been in London - narrow escape. Hey Jamie I think I know what you mean but I think that was the case for most of us. Say nowt please!

2) The 3 year old grand daughter of my best mate told me tonight that she saw Live Aid 8 and that she cried when she saw the pictures of the starving children in hot Africa, but it was OK because Bob Gandolf was looking after them. I rest a previous blog case.

from Thursday, July 14, 2005

2009-12-01T18:03:00.002+02:00

Bloggers Block

The pressure is on. WIR seems able to knock out a blog at the drop of a hat whilst I, on the other hand, struggle with finding anything in my work/task related existence. A few times (like now when I should be doing next years budget) I've used it as work avoidance ... actually must dust the top of the lights sometime today.... and other times I've started and it's turned into one of those Christmas round robin things you get from someone you haven't seen for 30 years, whose youngest child's a bowel surgeon with a ferrari whilst she does good works in Nottingham town centre. I must dig that one out and post it to the web 'cos I can feel that you don't believe me. Just noticed that the 'virgin' version of the blogger spell check doesn't recognise the word 'blog'. So............it's just stopped raining..... I'm sat at home working out the implications of consolidating the accounts........ thinking about trying to find the words and music for Steve Still's 'Love the One You're With' (hey that should fill in an hour).... trying to get my head round the new VOIP technology...... can anybody help with what the hell is a SIP-Exchange?...... must do last year's home accounts... ah the cooker hood has still to be sourced or Ren Woman will giving me a supervisory appraisal........ oh and there's the export of the dog Cass to SA to finalise..... wills to sign... must send note to RW reminding her that she's forgotten to sign.... now then I need a subject for this blog.

Tea and tinnitus pills then maybe pop out for that carpet shampooer from top Bouch.

You have to live in Aspatria to understand that last bit.

from Tuesday, July 05, 2005: My Continuing Live Aid 8 rant...

2009-12-01T18:01:00.002+02:00

My Continuing Live Aid 8 rant... and on drums .....

Ok I may have missed the point. I watched it for a bit and my conscience feels a lot better. Presumably I don't have to do anything else now to help Africa.. except depose Mugabe on my next trip. But the point seems to have moved to 'should the bands (who didn't get paid to appear) profit from increased sales of their records'. No talk of Africa then. For a start... how would we know? What if sales went down? Could there be a claim against Sir Bob for damages due to appearing?

So many questions... so few answers.

Hey those 8 middle aged white guys in Gleneagles wouldn't look out of place in Pink Floyd. ......and on drums Jacques Chirac; and on stacked heels and vibes welcome little Vladi Putin... lead vocals well now there's a dilemna.

from Sunday, July 03, 2005: So what did happen to Live Aid 2,3,4,5,6,7?

2009-12-01T17:59:00.000+02:00

So what did happen to Live Aid 2,3,4,5,6,7?

I am not one of the world's great compassionate thinkers but the 10 hours of rock concert didn't engage me at all in the Africa thing. I can claim to knowing a bit about Africa and the complex issues posed - oh and I'm also middle-aged, white and in a rock band but, yesterday left me cold. Sorry chaps but I'll carry on doing my bit without fanfare and in a way that makes sure that the most amount of help arrives for the cost. I wonder how much that little lot cost to put together and how much people remembered - other than 'they finished with 'hey jude''.

I rarely watch Songs of Praise but today I caught most of it and it was from South Africa. Now this was moving - 'The Soweto Gospel Choir', Alexandra Youth Choir, Soweto BuskAid - fantastic violin by kids who sleep on shack floors, inspirational commentary, Desmond Tutu at his giggling best and the ubiquitous Ladysmith Black Mambazo. I don't know if the Beeb have the technology to let us watch Songs of Praise again - but try. Now that made me feel optimistic for Africa. Find time to sing.

Alexandra Renewal Programme

Professional Dance Academy

Soweto Gospel Choir - some clips

BuskAid

Art Throb (Dinkies Sithole)

Ladysmith Black Mambazo - learn some zulu

from Saturday, July 02, 2005: The Dumbing Down of Call Centres

2009-12-01T17:55:00.000+02:00

The Dumbing Down of Call Centres

Yesterday I was the subject of a cold call regarding, I believe, insurance for a credit card I do not have anymore. MBNA are a company to avoid. The caller asked if I had 10 minutes to spare to take a survey. No.... could she call tomorrow at say 10?.... No...... and .... could she just .....as a matter of security check some details Mr Dawes .... a bit of confusion concerning your first name ... is it Brain or is it Brian? Dumbfounded I say that I often get it spelt incorrectly but nobody has ever pronounced it incorrectly. So she says - which one then - Brain or Brian? Brain I say. I hang up and stare at the wall for a few minutes.

23 June 2005: Edinburgh Playhouse 23 June 2005

2009-12-01T17:29:00.000+02:00

Crosby Stills and Nash - Edinburgh Playhouse 23 June 2005

Mrs R and I had a great night in Edinburgh - CSN in concert. Three heroes, a tight band and nearly three hours of pure musical nostalgia. The theatre was extremely hot but I can't say that I noticed that much. Stephen Still's voice is now one of THE blues voices. He could double for Ray Charles... voice only. He hasn't aged well. He must have had a few bad paper rounds as a child. His guitar playing was phenomenal. Nash and Crosby are the voice of CSN. Their soaring harmonies are incredible; when they did Guinevere with Crosby's open tuned guitar and two voices it was mesmerising. David Crosby's clear tenor for the most part is dominant but they swop harmonies and at times there seems to be at least two other notes. Graham Nash's tenor has a reed with it making it sound like a tenor/soprano sax (if only the Hollies could have kept him?). At the end of Guinevere Nash said that they've done it a 1000 times and 'each time Crosby does it different'. Crosby said that wasn't true - 'Nash doesn't listen'. Whatever way, the ability to listen and sing relative close harmony apparently without effort is ... well.... hyperbole fails me.

The old songs were there with a smattering of the new stuff - all excellent and lyrically sound (Don't Dig Here is well worth a listen): Chicago, Love the One You're with, Almost Cut My Hair, Deja Vu.... The rumour in the gents was that Joni Mitchell would be joining them for the Woodstock encore. She didn't. But it was Woodstock with the whole audience standing and rocking followed by Teach Your Children. I could have stood another hour or so but they needed to rest. Stills limped off, Nash stepped high and barefoot, Crosby sauntered away like an ancient gnome out of the limelight.

When I return I want to sing like Crosby, play guitar like Stills, harmonise like Nash. I wonder how they'll manage when they lose their looks. And stay forever Young.

from Tuesday June 21 2005: Why Does The Writer in Res get all the good gigs. I get Barrow In Furness

2009-12-01T16:29:00.000+02:00

Tuesday June 21 2005:
Why Does The Writer in Res get all the good gigs. I get Barrow In Furness

Yesterday I went to Barrow In Furness (BIF). Technically in Cumbria, but with an LA postcode. Is there something they haven't told us. Joy of Joy they are moving it to America!! Anyway- yesterday I went to BIF. I went via Keswick, Ambleside, Newby Bridge, Ulverston and came back via 'the coast road'. 62 miles and 2hrs 26 mins to get back. I think I died at one point. I have friends and family in BIF but I cannot see for the life of me why anybody would want to live there. I was visiting Furness Internet and their subsidiary icontrol who provide Shepley with our web-based management system; the server for which is based in BIF. This is fine 'cos the web makes everywhere in the world equally accessible and equally attractive. There must be parts of BIF worth a visit, but the Town Centre is not one of them.

I was early for the meeting so I had a wander into town with the thought of having a haircut and possibly a light lunch in one of the many brasseries. The first problem is that the hairdressers close on Mondays and the second problem was I couldn't bring myself to enter any of the eateries. My aversion to so many pound shops, nail bars, amusement arcades (free coffee to all who enter), furniture shops complete with protective weldmesh over the windows, tattoo parlours, replica weapons (I kid you not - and what the hell is a fantasy knife?), left me more than a little depressed. So picking my way through a traffic jam of motorised wheelchairs trying to escape a sea of chewing gum I beat a retreat. My tinitus had reached a level which I thought was audible to one of the many mongrels on extendable leads outside the Fu_ness Pound Sh_p ('we cash cheques') when I spotted the word Tinitus on the window of a Chinese Herbalist shoe-horned between a sandwich bar and a sports trophy shop. Thirty minutes and £80 later I was the possessor of a month's supply of Fu Fang and Suanzagarentang Wan.

It is now Tuesday I am back at home the tinitus is no worse and no better. I resolve to buy future supplies via t'internet.

A little known fact: Barrow is the home of Kate's Skates the biggest online inline skates emporium in Britain. I'm told that the online shop sells 3 times more than the huge shop in Dalkieth Road. Sounds like our skaters have decided it's easier by the internet.

From June 2005: THE Trail Hound - naming conventions

2009-12-01T16:26:00.000+02:00

THE Trail Hound - naming conventions

I sit here, with the Princess of Darkness on my knee, pondering the previous blog. Our rescued hound 'bendigo, actually trailed under the racename of Toffee Boy. This seems to have no link to tradition or contemporary naming convention. Back in the 50's/60's there were a whole series of dogs again with no contemporary link - Signal Box, Signal Major, Lady Pat, Dairyman, Lady Lou, Lofty, Lonning Lass, Lonning Lad. I remember walking one of the 'Signal..' dogs for the owner when I was 11 or so. This Cockermouth chap who was as lean and as long legged as his hounds went under the name of Lanty. I have a distinct feeling that the nicknames of owners will be as obtuse as the names of their dogs. Another point of interest is that in most cases the names are very un-doglike/unrelated to the act of trailing or running at speed. For example: Rodney Charm; Advertiser; Judy; Torch Singer; Wayne..... I must widen my research into say greyhounds, race horses..........uurmmm.......... or maybe get a real job.

from Wednesday, June 01, 2005: TOGO or not TOGO

2009-12-01T16:24:00.000+02:00

Here I go. Once or twice a month I leave West Cumbria (WCUK) and visit one of the sites where Shepley work (Shepley Engineers is the company I run (anagram of RUIN I note)) or go to head office(s) in Leeds or London. I do a sort of round Britain tour. I dislike being ‘out of county’, I mean - don’t get me wrong, I have spent quite a bit of time OOC and I can appreciate the rest of the world and have a deep attachment and a place of residence in the other WC- the Western Cape of South Africa (WCSA). Mind you I have been told that WCSA is like WCUK but with sunshine. I’m starting to digress off digressions aaargh.

Back to the point .."Once or twice a month I leave West Cumbria (WCUK) and visit one of the sites where Shepley work (Shepley Engineers is the company I run (anagram of ruin I note)) or go to head office(s) in Leeds or London. I do a sort of round Britain tour. I dislike being ‘out of county’" I honestly believe that there’s nowhere else like WCUK and where we live. I can sit in our garden and have a view 20+ miles east beyond Skiddaw, 20+ miles West over Criffel, 20+ miles to the North to Gretna and beyond and 20+miles South to St Bees and leftish to the Isle of Man. Where else?? Oh - and Bouch’s and the Co-op in Aspatria.

So what’s wrong with the world outside WCUK? Nowt much I’m afraid. They have culture: Crosby, Stills and Nash in Edinburgh on 23 June; Bath; St Pauls Cathedral; Skye; Glasgow; Santander’s cafés; Florence; The Bowes Museum; The British Library; Currently all of our children (but they will be back!); Fearon Fallowe’s grave(WCSA); Bigger mountains; Deeper lakes; Dylan not performing at ArkFest again this year; ....... and so on. Read into that what you will. I could list on for at least a minute.

Once when (in my late 20s… 1978ish) disenchanted with THE CAREER, I spotted, in the Sunday Times.. “ pissed off… crisis.......depressed….. boss a shite….spare a day… and £200".. I took the train to London for some career counselling. The advice was ‘decide where you want to live then find a job’. As I approach retirement and don’t need a job – what do I do now??

from May2005 - Doggerel - see The Hound Trail Post

2009-12-01T16:21:00.000+02:00

You’re never lonely as the hounds

That float on high o’er vales and moors

A handsome posse trailing by,

(Not a host of golden Labradors)

Beside the lake, beneath the trees

Following paraffin and aniseed

Bill's remaining verses can be left intact apart from the very last word - 'daffodils'.

Any suggestions budding poets?

from Wednesday, April 27, 2005: The Ren in Spain Trez? (3)

2009-12-01T16:18:00.002+02:00

The Ren in Spain Trez? (3) -my spanish is kleine merdre

Yup .. they sure as hell can smoke. Santander is not Spain and much the better for it. If it wasn't for the fags the short celts would live forever. Olive oil, garlic, onions, fresh fish, red wine, roasted red peppers. List on Clement!

from Tuesday, April 26, 2005 - The Ren in Spain Part Dos:

2009-12-01T16:13:00.000+02:00

Somewhere there is a door to Britain - outside that door there be smokers

19:31 – 24 April 2005 – Where have all the Smokers Gone- The Bay of Biscay everyone.

Still not sure what this boat is called. Where have all the smokers gone? Well I can tell you – cross channel ferries. It seems to be compulsory to wear sports clothing and drag your way through 4 fags an hour from what I can see. That’s about £1/hour for say 12 hours a day equals near enough four and a half grand a year. I remember the departed brother explaining to me once (when he was in a smoke phase of his life) that fags in Spain were at least half the price of the UK. So he could spend five hundred quid on a holiday; buy his fags for the year and still be two kay better off.

I think I understand but it still didn’t make me take up the weed. Just seen what looks like schooner.

Sunday, April 24, 2005 The Ren in Spain Part 1

2009-12-01T16:11:00.000+02:00

The Ren in Spain Part 1

Me and Ren Woman are off to Ethpanya for a few days with 'er mam&dad - Terry and June (we kid you not). We take the new cruise ferry from Plymouth to Santander. Overnight with T&J will be fun as they have a certain reputation for old age dilinquency which merits a blog all of its own.

15:08 24 April: Now on board the ferry and installed in the 'commodore' cabin. Very nice. We've found the safe, the minibar, the TV, the bathroom and the complimentary chocs. The GPRS connection to the internet seems strong, so I should be able to post the blog without difficulty. Embarkation was a breeze. They seemed to be searching all the tatooed, adidas clad mob in steerage but me and RW were whisked through. Maybe the crumpled Rohan look and RW's red leather rock chick jacket is the reason. We're off to the shops for a continental to UK adaptor as I only have 1.45hrs left on laptop battery.

More later

Oh.. the Plymouth weather is a bit overcast.

from April 15 2005 - The Psychic Vet

2009-12-01T15:53:00.000+02:00

The Psychic Vet
I'm still not up to writing down the brother's death and funeral story yet so I'll ease in to it with the story of the water spaniel and the psychic vet.

Once upon a time we had an Irish Water Spaniel by the name of Molly. She was aggressive but seldom violent and had 'character'. Her devotion to her family was legend. When she was 8 she became epileptic. We had already had an epileptic dog a collie-lab called Sam (must tell you about his night in a Glasgow police pound) so knew a little. The normal vet treated the symptoms rather than the cause and Molly did not improve. After a fit which saw her missing from home for a week or so and some frantic searching (it must be double hell to lose a child 'cos the missing Molly was really stress making), she was eventually found and I embarked on a search of t'internet for 'epilepsy in dogs'. What took my eye was 'psychic vet'. Look- I'm a 50+ engineer with no soul (consult ex-wife), but I sent this french woman a note in desparation.

The reply was 'please send a recent photo and I will talk to her'. So I did. Within the day I had a response saying that Molly was riddled with arthritis and that this was slowing down the fluid flow through the brain and causing the epilepsy - tell your vet. So I did and he said ... ummm you could be right .. so he treated her arthritris and she improved. A few months later though she went downhill again so.... back to the PV. She said 'would you like me to talk to her' (me by email .. she by ????) Ok says me (email). 30 mins later PV says 'Molly loves you all very much but you have to let her go now, to the place where the physical pain will have no effect' . Molly was by this time unable to move and wet and thin and almost comatose ... so we rang the real Vet and he put her to sleep. Wife and children cry. I actually had sweat in my eyes through digging spaniel size grave. Onist.

Molly is buried under the iron cross in the garden with the other 3 dogs and 2 cats. .

She's still very much in our post-person's mind approaching the house each morning though. A psychic post-person maybe? Me - I remain unconvinced of course.

from April 9 2005 - Ben Comes Home

2009-12-01T15:49:00.000+02:00

Ben Comes Home or the odyssey of an erstewhile Trail Hound..

Ben loved his mam - and his sisters and brothers (nine in all). He especially loved the way his mam licked his face with her sticky warm tongue and the way he could sleep in a pile with his brothers and sisters feeling their warm breath and body movements - it was bliss. What really made it heaven was the way the top dogs - the ones who walked on two legs with removable coats - brought them all warm milky sweet tea in the morning with some lovely soggy toast and honey - oohhh - that was sheer contentment.

Then, one morning when the days were becoming longer, he was picked up and handed to a strange top-dog in a flat cap who rode inside a strange animal with four rolling legs. Poor old Ben had noticed that his brothers and sisters had slowly started to diminish in number but he felt safe as he muzzled into his mam's tummy for comfort. But now he knew he was alone. He cried and cried for his family but was put into a shed where he met other, older looking dogs who had strange accents that he couldn't understand at first. He had no idea where he was. His breakfast was now kibble (dry biscuits) - no warm tea or toast, and the other dogs didn't want to know about his moaning and crying. One of the other dogs took pity on him and told him he was there to train as a racing hound - one that could run for miles following a trail over the fells and that good hounds were well treated - like gladiators. Ben didn't know what a gladiator was. He also didn't like to leave his family too far, so decided to make his new owner love him as his family. Whenever he saw him he would go to him and stand on hind legs and roll over and try to endear himself. The flat-capped top dog kicked him and pushed him back into the shed calling him a 'bloody wuss' - whatever that is! Anyway, time passed and he picked up from the other dogs that things were bad in racing due to foot and mouth - Ben didn't understand 'foot and mouth' - I mean, he thought, how can you run without foot and mouth? So why should 'foot and mouth' be so bad?

After what seemed a long time of living in the overcrowded shed, futile endearment tactics with top-dog-flat-cap and being walked with six others on leads around a place he heard was called 'Cleator Moor' the other dogs got very excited. The top-dog-flat-cap came with a number one tool to shave their coat, they were fed porridge and tea and there was talk of a race.......... Ben was very confused.

The day came - Ben was with the others on the starting line - flat-cap was saying nice things to them all, but especially to Ben, calling him 'Beauty' and 'My Lad' and stroking him with a passion that Ben mistook for something more .... something lost in his puppyhood...

The whistle blew - the hounds took off - Ben made a start - then turned back - why should he leave this master? He wanted to show top-dog how good a dog he could be - and was surprised when he was yanked into the back of one of the four wheeled animals with flat-cap shouting at him about 'shooting..'

Then - a white haired two legged dog came over and started to growl at flat-cap - they growled at one another for a while then white-hair took Ben to another place with other hounds and Ben was very frightened and confused.

White-hair had some friends - RenMan and RenWoman as it happens - who had lost a hound (another story) so he asked them to come and look at Ben. They brought the fearsome ex-police dog Cass just in case she didn't like him, but she did like him and he got a good feeling from Cass who told him to hop in the back of the four wheeled animal an stop wussing - so he did.

Ben settled very well into the homestead and enjoyed the other animals - strange furry cat creatures - one with three legs and a bossy one that ruled the house. But the best thing was joining his new 'mum and dad' for a morning cup of tea (he showed them how he like it and they caught on eventually)

Two weeks later, RenMan and RenWoman were walking Cass and Ben along the road from their (very warm) house in the village of the North Wind when Danny the local Trail Hound breeder was seen to be walking towards them with two very racing-ready hounds. On seeing the Rencrew one of Danny's hounds became uncontrollable - howling and yelping and breaking away from Danny. The hound ran towards Ben who was also in a very inconsollable state - Danny came running after with lots of apologies and not knowing why this very uncharacteristic event had occured. Then, to Ren couple's amazment he said 'That dog isn't called Ben by any chance is it?' Totally mystified at such powers of psychic ability Rencouple answered - 'Why - yes'.

'You didn't get him from the rescue place did you?'

'Why - yes we did'

'Well' declared Danny 'That's his mam! He's one of our last pups!!!'

After many tears of delight and lots of licks (between the four legged dogs) RenMan said:

'Can you explain why he likes a cup of sweet tea and toast in the morning?'

Ben now sees his mam and his sister every day as they walk past - Danny says of Ben:

'Ay, he always was a mammy's boy - a bit of a wuss'

from Wednesday, March 23, 2005

2009-12-01T15:45:00.002+02:00

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Almost The Princess of Lightness

The convalescing Patterdale decided to chew through the power lead to it's warming mat today. Somehow 'it' managed to do this and only blow the fuses to the socket circuit down stairs. I wondered why her coat is a little more unkempt.

Tomorrow I will attempt to remove the rest of the worktop in preparation for the delivery of the new cooker and continue my search for a plumber who is prepared to set foot in our kitchen.

Well here we are in Athens...

2009-12-01T15:30:00.000+02:00

....... visiting Francesca and Christos.
The Edinburgh of the South they call it?
So far we we like it such a mix of old and new; neat and rough; first world and third world; opulence and poverty.
The Greeks look very much like... Brits. They are more homogenous - a Greek look BUT I think that's more to do with style (culture and climate rather than genetics). Dress the population of say Middlescaster in Greek clothes and move them to Athens and you would be hard pressed to single them out.
Impressions of Athens?
1) Cigarette butts
2) Apart from the new Museum - a slightly run down/unkemptness - like Italy but less Health and Safety - like Edinburgh with more sunshine and less drunks. In fact we saw no drunks but lots of beggars and hawkers.
3) I like it.
4) The DOGS.
The stray dogs of Athens are well documented Every 100 metres or so you will find a dog. Usually the dog is asleep i.e. not technically straying. Each seems to have a patch (not a pack) and they appear quite content. They show no aggression and are as much Athenian as the humans.

from the past March 22 2005 (fby Nick)

2009-12-01T15:09:00.000+02:00

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Princess of Darkness

The Renaissance Couple's household features a number of animals. Most recent addition is a small, fierce, pitch-black Patterdale terrier bitch. In keeping with the tenor of the house, she has developed pronounced views on music - which have now got her into trouble. She had to be rushed to the vet at the weekend, having eaten 40 feet of cassette tape. Luckily the operation was a success and she is now restored to rude health, once again terrorising the local wildlife. Oddly, the cassette she chose to devour was a recording by Renaissance Man's ex-wife's second husband. Clearly a dog of impeccable taste.

posted by Nick at 11:21 PM

2009-11-21T12:22:00.000+02:00

We are back in the UK for a couple of months. Back in the Lake District - to be exact.
Last night it rained. In 12 hours we had 369mm of .. water.
Yeah - it's a LAKE.
The house where I was born, in Cockermouth (the mouth of the River Cocker) had water up to the top of the front door (~ 7ft).
I was born at 23 Gote Road Cockermouth.
Gote is a derivation of the old English word for gutter.
I was born in the gutter at the mouth of the river Cocker.
The river Cocker flows into the river Derwent. Our eldest son is called ... Derwent

Why foot yot email of anymore?

2009-11-15T14:29:00.000+02:00

Gobbledegook to most - except those of using Nokia predictive text on our mobile 'phones. What it should have said is Why don't you email me anymore?
Be very carefull
regards
Asian Dawes

Catch Up from March 25 2008

2009-10-25T23:27:00.002+02:00

I am a crime statistic but the cow got away with it.

During March I was fined for not having my driving licence with me whilst driving. There were 5 traffic violations in Greyton and Genadendal District and I accounted for 20% of them.

The statistics for the month were published in the local rag - The Greyton Sentinel. There are 2 columns of statistics Cases and Arrests Made. Statistically I was an arrest.

A sample of the other statistics reveals the following:

There was 1 murder in the month (very unusual) and 1 arrest (good).

3 cases of domestic violence resulting in 3 arrests

9 cases of possession of dagga(7)/tik(2) and 9 arrests.

38 cases of drunkenness (yes 38!) and 38 arrests.

9 cases of common assault/gbh and 8 arrests.

My traffic violation see above.

a lot of minor stuff involving house breaking (1), malicious damage(3)- all arrested.

and... 1 case of 'stray cattle' but 0 arrests.

What is the world coming to? I could blog on BUT words fail me.

Catch Up from Nov 03 2008 to Oct 2009

2009-10-25T23:14:00.001+02:00

I forgot to say that on top of everything else we decided to bring our trail hound ben(digo) to this South African house and farm.
So far he likes it. He's made 6 new friends and is the talk of the village. He arrived 2 hours late on Saturday 1st of November along with my missing guitar.

The trip to pick up the vines was successful – there are now 3000 sticks sleeping overnight in 4 bins of water.
Tomorrow at ¼ to 7 we plant.

Today, 3 November 2008, I am going to Voor-Groenberg Nurseries near Wellington to collect 3000 new Viognier vines to plant in the prepared holes in our virgin vineyard. I'm borrowing Steve-n-Jane's Toyota Hilux bakkie and setting off soon via Caledon (to get our mobile 'phone unblocked). I should get back mid afternoon in time for the arrival from England of Val and Al Block. Val & Al are staying for 2 weeks and, as well as being here to witness the planting of the vines, they are also singing with us at the Abbey Rose tomorrow night.

I'd always meant to write a contemporary account of the planning and building of the South African project and of our complex travelling and living arrangements between the Western Cape and West Cumbria. However I'm pretty sure it is almost impossible to devote probably 1 hour a day to the journal whilst doing the project. SOOO…. what I've decided to do is to start now, at the planting milestone, to try my best to write up the vineyard project on a weekly going forward schedule and also try and intersperse the contemporary stuff with a commentary on the past 3 years. I've got notebooks, sketch pads and correspondence going back 10 years so it should be easy. History, as we all know, is only 1 person's interpretation of what actually happened. I'm not going to spend a load of time polishing and 'byuddy shining' it (to quote my 3 year old grand-daughter). I would appreciate though some editorial help from Nick (please?) and Emma (please please?) to keep me within the rules of written English and any possible libel action.
I'm also going to publish to the blog as I go. That way it's out there, not skulking on my hard-drive, and it will encourage me to get the records up to date. Good theory!

The vineyard project started I think in early 2005, though technically it had been brewing (sorry) since we bought a house in Greyton in May 2001 - or maybe 1996 when Di and I first travelled together to SA or maybe when I worked in SA during the 70's and first visited the wine lands. Hell - I don't know.

Anyways – in January 2005 we decided to buy a piece of farm land from Steve and Jane Collins with the intent I seem to remember of creating a wilderness reserve and maybe building a small house once we had sold our place in Greyton and also our share in a café and gallery there. Complicated or what?

The chronology (is there such a word) gets a bit blurred but I think it went:

May 2005 – buy 90 hectares of land from S&J Collins – eventually agree to share it with them – they have South West side we have North East.

May 2006 – after a lot of walking round decide on place for the house and start building

July 2006 – Sell Greyton House

December 2006 – sell Café and Gallery

April 2007 - House substantially complete – move in

September 2007 – electricity switched on

October 2007 – retire from paid employment in UK

March April 2008 – rip and prepare the land for planting

May June 2008 – install stainless steel support system to half of vineyard

July August 2008 Install Irrigation system

Aug September 2008 – intend to plant vines – FAIL

November 2008 .. here we go

July August Plant repacement 1000 Viognier
and 2500 Temperanillo

2009-07-31T14:50:00.000+02:00

Dianne drives

Sent from my HTC Touch Diamond

Taken some time

2009-07-27T12:38:00.004+02:00

We've been home in Cumbria for 3 months AND this is only the second time of writing. We have been a bit busy and I did break my wrist and.... well ... I can only do one thing at a time. We have also bought a camper van (TFCV to be exact) There have been some references in FaceBook and other correspondence so I don't feel too guilty.
Today we are off in TFCV to visit Emma and Gregg and the grankids - looking forward to the journey and the visit. TFCV is stocked with tinned potatoes, corned beef and bread, milk and peas. We'll report in as the week goes by. It's raining too...

One of the good guys…

2009-05-03T02:52:00.002+02:00

One of the good guys in our lives was buried today (2 May 2009): Garvan Davis 1948 to 2009.

We’ll miss him. I’m finding it difficult to be anything other than pleased with the long day we have all had. I’m hurting of course and I would have liked it better if Garvan had have turned up alive (but late!) but somehow it wasn’t a sad day. Katharine remained smiling and calm throughout. I expect her reaction will be delayed. Katharine’s and the family’s demeanor set the scene and style for a memorable funeral. Lawrence paid a wonderful tribute to his dad. Everybody felt pride at how well his sons had grown and I think I wasn’t alone when my eyes welled (just a little you understand – I’m pretty well hardened to such things!!!). I didn’t cope as well with with my own father’s death and I was at least 15 years older than Lawrence or Hugh are now. Plumbland Church, the yard, the weather did Garvan proud. 200 or more people turned up to say farewell.

The Vicar was a wee bit too ‘God’ for me; but it is his church after all and that’s his job. I can hear Garvan counseling compromise. Garvan was a good Engineer and project manager and you can only be those things if you can compromise. It’s reassuring that Garvan is buried only 800 yards from his house (and our house for that matter). I can walk down there say hello and get some management advice whenever there is a problem. If Garvan had been in charge of the burial there would have been: a) a risk assessment; b) incident tape around the hole; c) hard hats and gloves (just ‘cos); and d) safety glasses - in case the soil blew back in the wind.

The wake continued in the same manner as the church service: good humour; fabulous food; alcohol; memories and a lot of singing … I even got the banjo out – sorry….

The family were inspirational. Garvan’s brother Neville, and his wife Esther (and the rest of the Guyanan bunch) have wonderful speaking voices – almost an Irish lilt. Neville’s story of Garvan’s life was captivating.

Gill (Roberts) said that she was upset with one of the young guests for being ‘inappropriately drunk’. I don’t think Garvan would have minded. It’s a people thing. We are what we are at any particular point in time.

Garvan was: kind; practical; happy; loyal; Guyanan; Cumbrian; male; sporty; working too much; playing too much; human and …. The Killer’s song ‘are we human or are we dancer?’ gives us a choice. Garvan did both ‘cos he could.

Blogging – I’ve always said is the sound of one man talking to himself. I’m not sure where this blog is going or if any body will read it. I am though convinced now that ‘Blogs and ‘~Facebook’ have made people start to talk to one another again. The local real World is bigger whilst the virtual World gets smaller.

We are human and we are blogger.

Keep on.

I am a crime statistic but the cow got away with it.

2009-04-01T10:55:00.004+02:00

During March I was fined for not having my driving licence with me whilst driving. There were 5 traffic violations in Greyton and Genadendal District and I accounted for 20% of them.
The statistics for the month were published in the local rag - The Greyton Sentinel. There are 2 columns of statistics Cases and Arrests Made. Statistically I was an arrest.
A sample of the other statistics reveals the following:

There was 1 murder in the month (very unusual) and 1 arrest (good).
3 cases of domestic violence resulting in 3 arrests
9 cases of possession of dagga(7)/tik(2) and 9 arrests.
38 cases of drunkenness (yes 38!) and 38 arrests.
9 cases of common assault/gbh and 8 arrests.
My traffic violation see above.
a lot of minor stuff involving house breaking (1), malicious damage(3)- all arrested.
and... 1 case of 'stray cattle' but 0 arrests.

What is the world coming to? I could blog on BUT words fail me.

Down a Snake

2009-03-27T14:17:00.000+02:00

My scouse mate Steve did a couple of caricatures of me for my birthday. He has an eye for detail. I was filing them (for posterity) and noticed what an eye for detail he really has. He’s even managed to capture my unruly eyebrows and facial traits. Weird .. I didn’t know I had any traits.

Today the Cape Epic Cycle Race passed the house

2009-03-25T18:17:00.001+02:00

1200 riders, camp followers and

Forgive me father for I have not blogged

2009-03-21T10:42:00.001+02:00

Yesterday we bickered our way to Cape Town and back. My supervisor and I are unable to spend more than 2 minutes together in a car without World Bicker 3 breaking out. My driving proficiency has long been the subject of family and friend’s derision. It’s not just driving skill though it’s ‘my position in the road…… constant fidgeting……. parking in the wrong place….. wrong gear…… inability to see the potential of a cow escaping a fenced field and throwing itself in front of us – some 2 miles ahead……having the heater on too hot/too cold/just right… going too fast/too slow/just right…. not talking… talking too much….” As a passenger the bickering is not that much different ‘surely I could stay awake…… my advice on parking is not appreciated….. inability to see the potential of a cow escaping a fenced field and throwing itself in front of us – some 2 miles ahead……having the heater on too hot/too cold/just right… not talking/talking too much/having no conversation at all….”

The reason for the bickerthon was 5 fold. We had to see the SA daughter (success) ahead of her birthday trip to Betty’s Bay and we hoped to pick up the new old Mercedes (failed) and we had to get the Kitchenaid food chopper thingie repaired (success) and had to return a book (success) to Stellenbosch Uni. library and to visit Builders World in Somerset West to buy some light fittings (failed).

We had a superb lunch at the Riboville restaurant in CT with free glass of champers and a desert tasting plate, as we let slip the birthday girl’s impending birthday. Kitchenaid are supposed to be the DB of err … kitchen aids (they should be for the price!!!) but we’ve only had it 3 weeks, and only used on carrots, so a total collapse of one of the spindles and fusing of the plastic on to the drive spindle was something of a surprise. Frank Fuchs (I kid not), the film star looking import agent in CT, was able to fix it, though he is still perplexed. The collect Mercedes event didn’t take place but the library book return did.

Stellenbosch and it’s University (it’s motto - Pectora roborant cultus recti (A sound education strengthens the spirit)), is a wonderful place to visit and to work. I think Di could work at the Uni. there full time if the opportunity arose. The library is impressive and even at 5 on a Friday afternoon was packed with bright young things strengthening their spirits. We could have stayed a lot longer in Stellenbosch but Builders World beckoned.

It was getting late and the bickering was taking it’s toll, and we were over-tired so - after 2 laps of the aisles and a unsatisfactory conversation with an in-store expert we aborted the mission and drove back via Strand, Gordon’s Bay , Betty’s Bay and Kleinmond. Kleinmond lies at a small lagoon on the narrow coastal belt between fynbos-covered mountains and the Atlantic sea and forms part of the Kogelberg Biosphere Reserve, the first and only Biosphere in South Africa to be proclaimed by United Nations' Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO).

The coast road is one of our favourite drives for the sea and mountain views. From the foreign visitor point of view the area is overlooked as the main road (the N2) bypasses it but the locals love it. We’ve tended to overlook it too in a snobby sort of way. The houses are, well, eclectic. The eye of the planner is err…..missing. In fact if there is a plan/aesthetic it is that each house should be entirely different to it’s neighbour. You would have to visit to be able to appreciate the phenomena at first hand. The harbour however has the best fish and chips we’ve had so far in SA and purely by chance we pitched up at the Sandpiper beach restaurant. The harbour area reminded me, as a cross between Allonby, Silloth and Largs. Not as unsophisticated as the West Coast of SA but a bit more sophisticated than Allonby. Look – I like Allonby because it is unsophisticated.. oh .. and Twentyman’s ice-cream. (The spell-check suggestion for Silloth was Sloth – I haven’t said a word)

We arrived home at 10 to 9 were in bed by 9.30 and asleep by 9.31.

Post Script.

Next month there is a General Election here in SA. Yesterday proposed candidates were ratified as eligible to be elected.There were a number of reasons given for rejection, most I forget, but the best reason was that 2 of the candidates were dead. The item was delivered deadpan on SABC news by the staff announcer who has skills- the ability to read being one of them. Comprehension of what is being read is not one of her skills.

Windmills of the Karoo

2009-02-03T17:25:00.000+02:00

Wildflowers; Millstream; Last day of January 2009

2009-02-01T16:45:00.002+02:00

more to follow

Ben goes to the most Southerly point in Africa

2009-01-26T09:42:00.001+02:00

Cape Agulhas (NOT Cape Point) is the most Southerly point in Africa and on the 24th of January 2009 Ben stood where the 2 oceans meet and had a sniff/taste of the sea and then a little bit of fish in batter.

Notice how he is colour coordinated with the local rocks.

We also went to Struiss Bai to see the Sting Rays. We’ll go back in 2 weeks to see if we can photograph them and have some more fish and chips.

This Morning's Eclipse 8.25am 26 Jan 2009 (and my Dad's Birthday)

2009-01-26T09:13:00.001+02:00

Ben Sleeps

2009-01-23T23:43:00.000+02:00

Endurance Birding with the Kerstens

2009-01-10T17:47:00.001+02:00

On Thursday 8th of January we (Di and I and Fred and Sharon) embarked on a trip to find a new bird (a lifer!) for Sharon and 2 lifers for us. Sharon has determination and endurance in spades or whatever the metaphor is (never understood that one!). The most dangerous part of the journey was the pie shop in Riviersonderend. Fred and I had the lard and kidney pie with extra greasey pastry and an unleaded coke each.

The first real birding stop was for the very rare Aghulas Long Billed Lark supposedly only a few breeding pairs to be found in the fields alongside a 5km stretch of dirt road on the way from Swellendam to Bredasdorp via Malgas Ferry. Sharon found a pair, or rather Fred spotted them just as we were about to give up. This is the little devil- a lifer for Sharon and for us.

I lifted this picture from the web as my camera was unable to pick out the lark from the chaff. Fred got some shots though.

So, Sharon suitably happy, we gapped it to Bredasdorp by the man powered ferry at Malgas. Yes the ferry which can carry 6 cars at a time across the Breede river is in deed man powered. Fred managed to persuade the crew to take the ferry halfway for a photo-opportunity and then back for him (how does he do it?). I

felt obliged to play the white man and do a bit of powering of the ferry. It is the new South Africa afterall.

After the compulsory Kapula candle stop we lunched/high tea’d at Julian’s (misread by me as Italian’s) and then another 50km of dirt to get to Die Mond and the search for the Damara Tern – again 6 breeding pairs restricted, so it seems to a 200 metre stretch of beach between Die Mond and Struissbai.

Here’s the intrepid Di, Fred Sharon intent on spotting the ‘diminuitive’ Tern. Spot it they did and me too (a lifer for me and Di).

Look really close and you can see it flying in the picture to the right…. in the sky in the middle somewhere ‘onist.

The beach is superb and we’ve promised to go back next week to see the Rays at Struissbai.

It was getting dark and we were tired. 120 kms later we got back home there was a superb sunset near Riviersonderend Fred and Sharon’s car was still safe in the layby.

A slide show of pictures taken on New Year Eve 2008 – should that be 2009?.. anyway 31 12 2008

2008-12-31T18:41:00.001+02:00

Florence 2008

2008-12-26T10:38:00.001+02:00

On Top of The Duomo

2008-12-25T23:40:00.000+02:00

Fred ; Some Guy with Glasses; Di; Sharon

Bri's 2008 Christmas Pressie from Di

2008-12-25T11:59:00.000+02:00

I love a flag and in particular I like Tibetan prayer flags. I got a set from Di.
It's 12 noon on Christmas Day 2008 and the flags now adorn the awning.
We've spoken to Emma and the kids - we'll catch up with Derwent and the others later.

Preparation of the dining table continues...........

Di's First Tiger Fish - Chobe River Feb 2008

2008-12-22T01:37:00.004+02:00

plus some banjaxed

before I forget: rough cut arrangement for ‘let it be’

2008-12-15T00:06:00.002+02:00

Derwent and Betsy News

2008-12-14T22:35:00.001+02:00

We’ve just heard, 10 mins ago (14 Dec 2008), that Betsy is preggers with the second child. He/She is due in August 2009. (don’t know why I put 2009!!). 5 grandchildren byoody hell!

All they have to do now is find somewhere to live.

WELL DONE you lot

Dad & Di

Just Found This Version of Dido Bendigo

2008-12-14T14:13:00.001+02:00

Fire

2008-12-13T18:33:00.001+02:00

Fires near Grabouw

29 Nov Update (boring title)

2008-12-03T10:30:00.005+02:00

Holly Lodge News:

Joanne tells us that the upgrade to the tool room is progressing well. The tiles have all been removed and 'it looks a lot better already'
We had a trojan virus on the PC in the office butSwanny/Owen sorted it.
Otherwise no news. Al n Valerie back in the UK and no doubt trying to catch up onsleep - oh and Val has to write up her diary.

Vineyard news:

see Vinewatch but briefly -the vines are now:
24 days planted
90 hrs of sunshine
240mm of wetness
99% have budded
90% are at the chicken stage
The leftovers (in case of loss) are all well (despite no irrigation at all - explain that Mr Irrigation man)
The anchors are all done 29 Nov 2008
The cordon wires are 60% completeThe pump at the dam still doesn't work
Dave Betka is here - building a boat and gigging at the LodgeDi is fishing a lot
The Dam water may need some treatment to get it to be palatable
Ben is well - see picture above
We miss the grandkids

Banjaxed World Tour

2008-11-29T16:47:00.000+02:00

Page 10 of Greyton Sentinel #69
Banjaxed World Tour

A wet bang to the mouth

2008-11-13T12:54:00.000+02:00

Dwarskloof Farm – Greyton South Africa 13 November 2008:
It has rained solidly for almost 3 days. We had 55mm of rain on Tuesday; 72mm of rain Wednesday and, so far, in the first 5 hours of Thursday another 22mm. it continues. The vines were due to have their second drink on Tuesday a mere (forgive pun) 5mm. They have now had the equivalent of 6 months of rain – if it only worked like that. In 3 days the sun will bake the ground and I will be trying to get the irrigation system to work.

The result of this excess is that I now know that the water reticulation works and that the dam is full and that the gateway to the farm is/was blocked. Greyton too is cut-off and this merited a mention on the national TV (SABC 1, 2, 3). I laboured with the mini-digger for a couple of hours in the pissing rain and cleared a way BUT fear that now, 12 hours and 50mm of more rain later, that my toil was in vain

Talking of Blocks. Al 'n' Val has had to put off their adventure to the animal park at Inverdoorn until the water abates. We have broken into the emergency red and white wine stock (the unmarked 65p a bottle stuff).

It's almost a year to the day since the last once in a hundred year storm. Surely it should have been another 99 years?

The young vines look well though. They haven't been washed out of the ground and there is evidence of budding.

A South African farmer was interviewed tonight, on the SABC News, about the fact that his harvest of table grapes would more than likely be wiped out by the storm. He agreed with the reporter and smiled and shrugged and said 'hell that's nature'.

I await the dawn to see what havoc nature has wrought.

I feel most sorry for Al 'n' Val. Their first trip to SA and marooned with us. No Monopoly board games and dwindling emergency wine stocks.

A technical note:
55mm of rain is equivalent of 55litres per square metre. 55 litres is roughly 11 UK gallons. Each vine has a catchment of 1 square meter.

Isn't that interesting?

Bang to the mouth 4- Leak Seeking Project update

2008-07-11T18:51:00.000+02:00

8 Nov: 12 noon. The Rastas are still in the tool shed.

Bang to the mouth 3

2008-07-11T17:19:00.000+02:00

They say that timing is everything. On the evening of Thursday 6 November 2008 and the morning of Friday 8 it rained. Jake-n-Sam's crew completed the planting of the 3000 Viognier vines at 5 in the afternoon yesterday and it started raining at 7ish. The vines need 5 litres of water each in the first few days and (yippee) we've just had the equivalent of 10litres in the last 24 hrs - see graph and also http://www.thedawes.net/.

We've been praying for rain for months. The Winter here has been unusually dry, barely 30 litres per square metre per month for the past 4 months. Which is not good. We've spent a smallish fortune putting in a sophisticated irrigation system which depends on the dam at the bottom of the yard being full of - rainwater. This timely downpour is encouraging, as we have still to find where the system is leaking - I buried the pipes some weeks back confidant that there would be no need to ever see them again. Forever an optimist.

Nevertheless, this week has been a success.
Zakrey and I collected the vines on Monday. They slept overnight in some seaweed (Kelp) treated water to condition the roots and at 8 am on Tuesday 4 November Di and I planted the first 10 vines ourselves and then let Sam-n-Jake's planting crew do the remaining 2990. I fretted like a mother hen for an hour or so but could see that everything was under control and that Zakrey and Charles had the post plant watering system sorted and so retired for breakfast with Di, Jake, Al and Val (on their first trip to SA) and later Sam and one of the many Sam-n-Jake offspring and, oh yes Ben the dog.

It took 3 days to plant all the vines - 750 the first day, 1250 the second and the balance yesterday. About 5 of the crew and Zakrey are now tidying the yard and moving some of the bigger stones back in the vine line to act as mulch and storage heaters. It's still raining a little which is frustrating my leak seeking plans.
The next stage is to make sure that 'they' have taken and then cutback and fit grow tubes and then get the cordon wire and anchors fitted. For that I need to get Jamii Hamlin of Ecostake back to show me how to do it. I also need to record how we managed to be using stainless steel posts instead of timber... see later
When I was in paid employment,prior to my retardiment, as my Grandson says, I used to have a worry attack in the early hours - usually when the digital clock said 505; where I would mentally list all the down side things that I had to do on a project or administration of the company. I haven't had any of those moments for a year now.. BUT they've started again with the realisation of the work needed for this wine project.The pre-growing stages - ripping, staking, digging can be extended, delayed, mechanically intervened but once the vines start growing I will have to move at nature's pace. Cornflakes and tea and then leak seeking will begin.
15 mins later:
Zakrey, my Rasta vineyard manager (as he has taken to calling himself!), on seeing me leak seeking in the rain, from the shelter of his tool shed, said
"Hey boss-there's no need to water until Monday, stop worrying, at least the pump in the sky is working, do what I and I are doing - relax." (Rastas use 'I and I' instead of 'We'). I might knit myself one of those red green yellow hat things that Zakrey is so fond of,whilst I wait for the rain to abate.

I haven’t ranted for a while –first posted Friday, April 18, 2008

2008-04-18T21:00:00.000+02:00

first posted Friday, April 18, 2008

I haven’t ranted for a while – but there was an item on the news yesterday about contractors and the Office of Unfair Trading that wakened the dragon.

I am not fond of some of the 'big' contracting outfits in the UK and thus am loathe to think well of them whilst they undergo the Office of Fair Trading investigation of uncompetitive practices and collusion. However, I do have a lot of sympathy as I believe that it's the Competition Laws and government buying policies that drive companies to collude or collaborate. The practice is widespread it seems, so for some they have colluded unwittingly or collaborated wittingly.
The Office of Fair Trading police are there to find unfair trading, on their dawn raids – and - they will and have done. Their powers are terrifying and encourage people to NOT bid for publicly funded projects.
I've very recently retired from a contracting company – they don't build schools or hospitals and are very much of the mechanical/electrical discipline rather than building or civils – so collaboration is unnatural -we don't trust our contracting colleagues (sorry). Nevertheless I am sure that we will have transgressed the competition laws and no doubt we will have colluded.
The whole competitive process is unfair and stacked against the idea of competitive sustainable contracting. We are not talking about cartels here or' ringing' prices for commodities such as cement, bricks and bolts. We are talking about guessing the price of something very complex, like a school or hospital, and then being able to deliver and make 2% net profit. In my experience it is all too easy to guess, I mean, estimate, low by 10%. Making 2% net is pretty good, especially as costs have been known to go up over the life of a project.
About 10 years back I was involved with an initiative driven by the DTI to make contractors more competitive – ACTIVE it was/is called, born out of something called CRINE. Analysis of the acronyms reveals:
- Achieving Competitiveness through Innovation and Value Engineering (if I remember correctly) and,
- Cost Reduction in a New Era.
Basically these mean: early collaboration by clients with contractors; choosing the best contractor most able to do the job; don't compete on price – compete on ability; concentrate on the engineering and project management not on the provision of a cost that equals or is less than the budget; carry out cost and value analysis at every stage of a project; don't replicate roles within client and contractor teams; encourage collaboration through the supply chain … and so on. I know it works, because that's the way my company worked and I saw in ACTIVE the way forward for a sustainable contracting industry.
However, at the same time, government was pushing the answer to life the universe and everything – COMPETITION. How would they build hospitals? How would they decommission the nuclear industry? How would they restore our heritage? - COMPETITION.
I found myself at an ACTIVE workshop at the DTI offices in the morning of the same day, where in the afternoon I attended a seminar at the same office on - COMPETITION. Competition, as described by the men in grey suits, is all to do with getting as many companies as possible to bid for the work and also to bid with the best safety record; best engineering record; best quality record; best corporate social record; best administration record; best financial record. All very laudable but guaranteed under PFI and PPP projects to put costs up drive projects into over-run and companies and clients out of business. 15% of the costs of a PFI are taken up with getting the contract wording 'right' and policing to make sure the contractor doesn't rip off the client. A £10million project thus only has £8.5m available to the contractor to actually build. Where's the 2% profit? The industry is littered with write-offs by PFI contractors.
So, why does competition drive people to collude?.
The tendering process demands much more of the contractor. The ACTIVE approach discourages the growth of pre-contract resources (pre-engineering ?) and claims/clever estimate driven quantity surveying departments. The COMPETITION process does the opposite – confrontation and counter actions cost much more than facilitation and action. My retiredfromcompany specialises in Nuclear Decommissioning and Heritage Restoration and they saw their marketing and tendering and post contract effort increase from 2% of staff effort to 9%. These costs have to be recovered from the client thus putting further pressure on the 2% margin.
The competition process usually demands that at least 5 contractors are asked to bid and have to show either in a one stage or two stage process that they are capable of doing the work safely, well and without going bust, whilst investing in the local community for the best value price (lowest). The resources and costs required to prepare the bid – with all the bells and whistles can reach £80k (weigh 22kg and be in 12 lever-arch files) or so for a £5M project. £30k for even the smallest of projects. For 4 of these people this is lost money and they may be struggling for resources or borrowing off other projects. Yet we cannot refuse to bid because we have been asked to and may not get asked again and the client needs to make up the numbers to obey the rules. We have been encouraged through ACTIVE and others to collaborate with our competition and supply chain as the projects have become multidiscipline and clients only want to place one contract. Clients also encourage teaming in the supply chain to fulfil the building of capacity in the locality as tenders over a certain amount have to bid across the European union. Being too busy is no excuse – it makes sense then that the contractor with the resource to produce a good bid and estimate of costs does it and uses his supply chain to help him. Hopefully he is able to guess his costs correctly to allow the 2% margin and pay for the tender and fees to the lawyers. If bidding in a team or consortium it is likely that another member might also be bidding with a member of another consortium – how can there be collaboration without breaking of the competition rules. It's inevitable that the 'others' get some idea of the prices and elect to cover the price of the company likely to win rather than lose face by not putting in a bid. Just ringing up a supplier and saying have the others asked you for a price for supply of pipe and then saying can you copy me in I'm too busy to send you the details and quantities separately can be construed as collusion. One company sending out all the specs to the supply chain instead of five all sending out the equivalent of a small forest in Norway must be a better use of the planet's resources.
On TV yesterday an expert reporter was explaining that Company 'A' had won a hospital contract at £12M because companies 'B' and 'C' had 'covered' the company 'A' prices by bidding £12M plus; the client's budget was £10M – meaning that the tax payer had paid £2M too much. I have a feeling that the real price should have been nearer £15M and contractor 'A' got his estimate wrong. Contractors 'B' and 'C' would still have had to have done a load of work submitting the other tender deliverables even if they didn't work up a proper price. A fixed price bid is a wild guess to 3 decimal places – so my old chief estimator used to say.
I have a solution:
The client should put major effort into working up the right price for the job- he could even pay a contractor – 1 only, or a consortium to provide that price and if necessary value engineer it to the budget. The project could then go out for bidding. Contractors would in effect all bid the same price. "Yes – I can do that project for your budget price of £12M and make 2% profit". The client should then make his decision based on who is most capable of doing the work and has the resource to be able to do it in the timescale.
I'd also be prepared to pay 10% more just for peace of mind and the luxury of not having any claims or employing a shed load of quantity surveyors, lawyers and auditors to argue over the final account. Oh- and I'd also scrap all this KPI based payments and bonus nonsense. By all means measure performance and run KPI's but don't make them a reason to pay or not pay.
There are projects that have gone well under the competitive process. I know of an £8m project, where the public client was brave enough to choose and defend to the auditors the 2^nd lowest bid because he wanted the specialist experience of this particular contractor. The job went well – the QS's were sent away – effort went into engineering and project management not apportioning of blame for the things that were wrong. The project came in well under budget – slightly late. The contractor made 6% and enhanced his own and the client's reputation. An analysis of this project would make good reading but the grey suits would only say 'they should have taken the lowest price and saved the difference'
I could go on… but… back to my retirement lair.

Bang to the mouth 2

2008-03-12T03:08:00.000+02:00

A bang on the mouth

2008-03-11T14:53:00.000+02:00

Today, 3 November 2008, I am going to Voor-Groenberg Nurseries near Wellington to collect 3000 new Viognier vines to plant in the prepared holes in our virgin vineyard. I'm borrowing Steve-n-Jane's Toyota Hilux bakkie and setting off soon via Caledon (to get our mobile 'phone unblocked). I should get back mid afternoon in time for the arrival from England of Val and Al Block. Val & Al are staying for 2 weeks and, as well as being here to witness the planting of the vines, they are also singing with us at the Abbey Rose tomorrow night.

I'd always meant to write a contemporary account of the planning and building of the South African project and of our complex travelling and living arrangements between the Western Cape and West Cumbria. However I'm pretty sure it is almost impossible to devote probably 1 hour a day to the journal whilst doing the project. SOOO…. what I've decided to do is to start now, at the planting milestone, to try my best to write up the vineyard project on a weekly going forward schedule and also try and intersperse the contemporary stuff with a commentary on the past 3 years. I've got notebooks, sketch pads and correspondence going back 10 years so it should be easy. History, as we all know, is only 1 person's interpretation of what actually happened. I'm not going to spend a load of time polishing and 'byuddy shining' it (to quote my 3 year old grand-daughter). I would appreciate though some editorial help from Nick (please?) and Emma (please please?) to keep me within the rules of written English and any possible libel action.

I'm also going to publish to the blog as I go. That way it's out there, not skulking on my hard-drive, and it will encourage me to get the records up to date. Good theory!

The vineyard project started I think in early 2005, though technically it had been brewing (sorry) since we bought a house in Greyton in May 2001 - or maybe 1996 when Di and I first travelled together to SA or maybe when I worked in SA during the 70's and first visited the wine lands. Hell - I don't know.

Anyways – in January 2005 we decided to buy a piece of farm land from Steve and Jane Collins with the intent I seem to remember of creating a wilderness reserve and maybe building a small house once we had sold our place in Greyton and also our share in a café and gallery there. Complicated or what?

The chronology (is there such a word) gets a bit blurred but I think it went:

May 2005 – buy 90 hectares of land from S&J Collins – eventually agree to share it with them – they have South West side we have North East – see Map later.
May 2006 – after a lot of walking round decide on place for the house and start building
July 2006 – Sell Greyton House
December 2006 – sell Café and Gallery
April 2007 - House substantially complete – move in
September 2007 – electricity switched on
October 2007 – retire from paid employment in UK
March April 2008 – rip and prepare the land for planting
May June 2008 – install stainless steel support system to half of vineyard
July August 2008 Install Irrigation system
Aug September 2008 – intend to plant vines – FAIL
November 2008 .. here we go

Looks simple doesn't it – but just wait there's 36 months to account for.
The view this morning

From Western Cumbria to Western Cape Feb 2008 letter 1

2008-02-18T18:57:00.000+02:00

We are 4 months in to our first 6 months posting to Dwarskloof Farm.

7.30: rise and prepare myself for the task of posting a letter during the 12 noon to 1 pm time slot.

11.45: I leave home to travel to town (Greyton)

12.05: I join the queue to buy the required stamps to send a small envelope to Cape Town

12.57: Envelope is measured and weighed and declared to be a standard envelope. The uniformed post office official looks disappointed.

12.59: I am proud possessor of stamps.

1.05 pm: I walk to site of fenced off petrol station and post letter through wire with stick and masking tape device (fashioned earlier in the day)

1.10: order 'coke float' at Oak and Vigne to calm fevered brow.

1.35: receive 'coke float'

1.45: leave Oak and Vigne to travel home (forgetting to pay)

2.00: arrive home

.Swallow Hill-Dwarskloof and Holly Lodge

SA closed- back at just after 2

first posted Friday, January 25, 2008

From Western Cumbria to Western Cape Feb 2008 letter 1

We are 4 months in to our first 6 months posting to Dwarskloof Farm.

Walk that line: Suit or Sandals or Suit with Sandals.

Walk that line: Suit or Sandals or Suit with Sandals. First Posted:Thursday, April 24, 2008

well

From October 2005: Whats nepotism Dad

From October 2005: Oh won't you write me a letter frae Aspatria. Les Delices numero ??

From October 2005: Cousins Jim. But not as we know it

From October 2005: The Pumpkinisation of Our Society

From November 2005: And did those sheep in ancient times part 2

From November 2005: Oh Wont you write me.. a letter from Aspatria: ONE

From November 2005: Blogger Stress

From November 2005: Thursday, November 24, 2005; Prefab plant sprouts

From November 2005: Pumpkins 3.. or even Carlisle

From November 2005: Friday 25 Nov 2005

From November 2005: Pumpkins 3.. or even Carlisle

From December 2005: Noel

From August 2006: Just a minute Clement - you are listing again.

from Monday, October 17, 2005: Dustbin Laden

from Thursday, October 06, 2005: The endless waltz of British Rail

from September 2005: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

from Wednesday, August 31, 2005: At Last - Les Delices de SA. 5 Star Sign Wars

from August 29, 2005: Les Delices De SA part 2

from August 18, 2005: The other West Cumbria - In SA - estate agents are a cult.

from Sunday, August 14, 2005: The Wild West Coast of South Africa Part Three

from Thursday, August 11, 2005:The Wild West Coast SA Part Two – Les Delices De SA Part I

from Saturday, August 06, 2005:Nature versus Nurture: The West Coast of South Africa Part One

from Sunday, July 24, 2005The Other WC

from July 17 2005: Broughton Moor Dumped - now this really is a rant .....

from Thursday, July 14, 2005

from Tuesday, July 05, 2005: My Continuing Live Aid 8 rant...

from Sunday, July 03, 2005: So what did happen to Live Aid 2,3,4,5,6,7?

from Saturday, July 02, 2005: The Dumbing Down of Call Centres

23 June 2005: Edinburgh Playhouse 23 June 2005

from Tuesday June 21 2005: Why Does The Writer in Res get all the good gigs. I get Barrow In Furness

From June 2005: THE Trail Hound - naming conventions

from Wednesday, June 01, 2005: TOGO or not TOGO

from May2005 - Doggerel - see The Hound Trail Post

from Wednesday, April 27, 2005: The Ren in Spain Trez? (3)

from Tuesday, April 26, 2005 - The Ren in Spain Part Dos:

Sunday, April 24, 2005 The Ren in Spain Part 1

from April 15 2005 - The Psychic Vet

from April 9 2005 - Ben Comes Home

from Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Well here we are in Athens...

from the past March 22 2005 (fby Nick)

Why foot yot email of anymore?

Catch Up from March 25 2008

Catch Up from Nov 03 2008 to Oct 2009

Taken some time

One of the good guys…

I am a crime statistic but the cow got away with it.

Down a Snake

Today the Cape Epic Cycle Race passed the house

Forgive me father for I have not blogged

Windmills of the Karoo

Wildflowers; Millstream; Last day of January 2009

Ben goes to the most Southerly point in Africa

This Morning's Eclipse 8.25am 26 Jan 2009 (and my Dad's Birthday)

Ben Sleeps

Endurance Birding with the Kerstens

A slide show of pictures taken on New Year Eve 2008 – should that be 2009?.. anyway 31 12 2008

Florence 2008

On Top of The Duomo

Bri's 2008 Christmas Pressie from Di

Di's First Tiger Fish - Chobe River Feb 2008

before I forget: rough cut arrangement for ‘let it be’

Derwent and Betsy News

Just Found This Version of Dido Bendigo

Fire

29 Nov Update (boring title)

Banjaxed World Tour

A wet bang to the mouth

Bang to the mouth 4- Leak Seeking Project update

Bang to the mouth 3

I haven’t ranted for a while –first posted Friday, April 18, 2008

first posted Friday, April 18, 2008

Walk that line: Suit or Sandals or Suit with Sandals.
First Posted:Thursday, April 24, 2008